I Die A Little Each Day
by touched by an angel with love
Summary: No one in the club had any idea of just how much their words and actions really hurt her, with her fathers out of town yet again, not wanting to bother her three moms and no one else to turn to, Rachel Berry only saw one way out, she had no idea that it could hurt others around her or that there were some that care. Rated M for suicide attempts
1. Prologue

_**A short prologue to the new promised story, tell me what you think. I've been thinking about adding this story for some time but wanted to finish Safest With You first. I'm adding this story regardless of how many reviews I get until I've typed a couple more chapters for Safest With You, so far there are at least six chapters for this story ready to be published and the seventh is almost done.**_

_**I do NOT own any of the characters, songs or locations, just the plot.**_

**Prologue**

As Sue Sylvester stepped out of the bathroom she took a shaky breath and tried to wipe the blood from her hands before pulling out her phone and dialling.

"9-1-1 what's your emergency?" The operator said.

"I need an ambulance at 3049 Hillcrest Drive please, one of my students has tried to commit suicide." Sue told them. "She's slit her wrists and there are empty pill bottles all around her."

"Ok ma'am an ambulance has been dispatched. What's the student's name and age please?"

"Her name is Rachel Berry and she's seventeen, you have to hurry I don't know how long she's been unconscious but she won't wake up." Sue was getting hysterical.

"Ok ma'am, you need to calm down, the ambulance is on their way but I need you to try and wake her up before they get there."

Sue hung up and went back into the bathroom. "Beiste, we need to wake her up until the ambulance gets here." She told the football coach before leaving the room again, there was too much blood from the small teenager for her to be comfortable with. She left Rachel's room and went downstairs to wait for the paramedics, it didn't take long for them to arrive. "She's upstairs in her en-suite bathroom, this way." She took them upstairs and waited in Rachel's room, Shannon Beiste came out of the bathroom, her hands were too covered in their student's blood and she was pale.

"We need to tell Schuester." Shannon said after a moment's silence.

"Yes, but let's see to Streisand first."

Shannon went over to the CD player and pressed stop, in their panic after discovering Rachel they missed the playing music, she picked up the notebooks and the sheet music next to the player and took the CD out. _'This must be the song she wrote, the one she told me and Emma about.'_ She thought sadly before turning back to face the door.

After what seemed like hours, the paramedics came out of the bathroom with Rachel on a stretcher, they left the bedroom and carefully made their way down the staircase and out to the ambulance where they gently lay the stretcher on a gurney. The two Coaches followed.

"Which one of you is coming?"

"You go Sue, I'll call her fathers and follow." Shannon said and Sue climbed into the ambulance. She pulled out her phone and dialled. "I'd like to speak with Mr Hiram Berry please."

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"BP's dropping, we need to hurry or we'll lose her." The paramedic called to the driver. Sue could only watch in horror as Rachel grew paler and her breathing became shallow. "Come on Rachel, come on sweetie don't give in."

"We're about a minute from the hospital." The driver called back.

"You hear that Rachel, we're almost there, just hang on a little longer." They pulled into the ambulance bay and the door burst open and the driver helped his partner unload Rachel carefully, Sue followed immediately. "Seventeen year old Rachel Berry found in her bath tub, she's slit her wrists and overdosed on prescription sleeping and pain pills. BP dropped from 80 to 35 en-route and her pulse has dropped from 120 to 50 since leaving her address." The paramedic explained to the doctors. "This is Sue Sylvester, her teacher who made the 9-1-1 call."

"Ms Sylvester the police might want to talk to you so if you could please wait here and we'll keep you updated as soon as we know anything." The doctor smiled gently before turning back to the paramedics. "Have the parents been called?"

"My colleague is calling them." Sue interrupted. "They're away on business and aren't due to return for some time, I have paperwork from them that gives me guardianship in emergencies."

"Very well, please have a seat and fill out these forms, we'll be with you as soon as we know something." They wheeled Rachel through the double doors and Sue sat down with the clipboard and pen given to her.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"I understand sir, thank you for speaking with me." Shannon said down the phone. "No Mr Berry she's not alone, Sue is with her and I'm going to join her as soon as possible."

"_I would rather that Mr Schuester and the Glee club weren't told about this until she's released." _Hiram Berry said over the phone. _"My husband and I are not blind to the bullying our daughter receives and I'm positive that this is exactly the reason why she- why she- I'm sorry."_

"No need to apologise Mr Berry, this is a most difficult time for you and your husband, Sue, Emma and myself will keep you updated with any changes and Sue has the guardianship papers while you're away."

"_Thank you Shannon, Rachel always speaks highly of the new football coach at school, you, Emma and Sue have been helping her through this- this torture and I am grateful for that."_

"It's the least we can do Mr Berry, Rachel is a one of a kind kid. I will let you and your husband get back to your business, goodbye Mr Berry."

"_Please call me Hiram, and Leroy says to call him by his first name too. Goodbye Shannon, please keep us updated."_

"Will do." Shannon hung up and got into her car. _'What a nightmare.'_ She looked at the CD and music sheets on the seat next to her before starting her car up and backing out of the driveway.


	2. Chapter 1

_**I found a video on youtube (can't remember the link) but it was essentially that Rachel couldn't take anymore and commit suicide (though in the video it was Mr Schue who found her in the bath tub) the beginning of the video gave lines from the show which is in italics in this first chapter.**_

**Chapter 1**

**Three months earlier.**

"_Most of the time I find it hard being in the same room as you." _Kurt told her. She wrote it down.

"_I pretty much feel like punching you every time you open your mouth." _Quinn had said in front of the entire Glee club, Mr Schue did nothing to berate her and a few of the other members nodded in agreement. She wrote that down.

"_You always end up stealing the spotlight."_ Mercedes complained almost every time Rachel received a solo, it had gotten to the point where Mr Schue gave the solos straight to someone else, namely Mercedes and Kurt. She wrote each time down.

"_Hey Dwarf, anyone ever tell you that you look like the Bait Girls on 'To Catch a Predator'?" _Santana sneered as she walked past her one day. She wrote that down.

"_Oh and I'm more talented that you."_ Brittany had added as an afterthought, she didn't write that down because she knew that the ditzy Cheerio hadn't meant it horribly.

"_You could have defended me you know." _She told her boyfriend Finn, he simply replied with a harsh, _"Well Santana does have a point."_ A few days later he broke up with her, saying there was no spark and that he couldn't trust her after she and Noah had kissed, even though she had only kissed Noah after she found out that Finn had slept with Santana and then lied about it afterwards.

She had given up posting videos on her MySpace and Facebook pages because of the comments left by the majority of the school. _'If I were your parents, I'd sell you back.'_, _'I'm going to scratch my eyes out.'_, and _'You should be sterilised.'_, were just a few. She wrote them down. Then there were the names she was called on a daily basis; RuPaul, Hobbit, Manhands, Treasure Trail, Dwarf and Tranny were only a few, those were written down too.

The time she had been trying to attract Finn back in Sophmore year Kurt had offered to give her a make-over to get the tall Quarterback to notice her, the first had worked perfectly, however the second make over, Finn called her a sad clown hooker before leaving. _"How could you do that? I thought we were friends."_ She had asked him after the humiliation. His reply was a cold one. _"And what made you think that?"_ Before he sauntered away, it had become clear to her that Kurt also had feelings for Finn and he was trying to get Rachel out of the way. The event was written down.

"_Nobody tells you anything because A. You're a blabbermouth and B. We just pretend to like you." _Santana had spoken for everyone moments before they were due to perform at Sectionals, after she had asked why no one had told her about Finn and Santana sleeping together. That was written down.

Although Noah had said that he kind of liked her, when she wasn't giving him the urge to shove socks down her throat. She had ended their brief relationship in Sophmore year because she knew he had feelings for Quinn, and that the baby growing inside the perfect Cheerio wasn't Finn's as Quinn was telling everyone, it was in fact Noah's. She must have hurt his pride by breaking up with him because when she said that she hoped they could still be friends, he had replied hatefully. _"We weren't friends before."_ Before leaving her alone and throwing a slushy at her the next day.

But it wasn't just the students in the club that bullied and hated her, their teacher, Mr Schuester, or Mr Schue to everyone, shouted at her almost all the time. _"I'm tired of this Rachel, you have a terrible attitude, you're a lousy sport and it's not ok anymore."_ Was the one most commonly implied if not used whenever she expressed an opinion in the club. Whenever she made a mistake he wasn't interested in her apologies, only that she had made the club look bad and that the others were going to suffer because of her selfish actions, the first time she had made a mistake and tried to apologise was before the football team and the Cheerios had joined them, when they were trying to get new members so that they could compete, Mr Schue had already given them a song to perform but Rachel knew that none of the other students in the school would like his choice, so she went behind his back and changed the song, he was furious when they performed. _"Do you understand what you've done? You lied to me and ruined our chances."_ She wrote down every time another member of the club bullied her and Mr Schue didn't berate them and every time Mr Schue himself bullied her.

After her 'Run Joey Run' video disaster she hadn't expected Jesse, Finn and Noah to forgive her completely or right away, she knew they weren't happy about being triple cast as the male lead to make herself look promiscuous, she only did the video in the first place because Quinn was feeling lousy about losing her popularity and power because of her pregnancy. Jesse and Noah had forgiven her eventually, as did Finn, but she hadn't expected Finn to be so cruel about the whole thing before he did forgive her. _"It was you trying to look like you had a bunch of guys fighting over you so you could stop looking like some kind of outcast and be seen as some hot slutty girl."_ She'd written that down.

"_I'm so sick of hearing you squawking."_ Mercedes snapped whenever Rachel opened her mouth to voice an opinion. That was written down.

"_We all know that I'm more popular than Rachel, and that I dress better than her."_ Kurt had bragged before their 'Diva-off' only for him to throw the competition. That was written down.

"_I would have tortured you if the roles were reversed."_ Quinn told her coldly after Rachel tried to give the pregnant teenager a compliment and comfort her after losing her Cheerio post.

"_I think you and I are more similar than you think."_ She had tried to reach out to Kurt one day.

"_That's a terrible thing to say."_ He had sneered before leaving her.

"_Why is it never me?"_ Mercedes asked sadly one night after Rachel was once again given a solo.

"_I don't know, you're just as good a singer as I am." _Rachel had tried to comfort the girl, but once again her comforting had backfired on her.

"_Yeah, and everyone actually likes me."_ Mercedes suddenly seemed to feel better about herself.

"_I hear that Rachel has a bit of a schnoz, not that I'd know because like Medusa I try to avoid eye contact with you." _Santana spoke up one day during Glee club, the rest of the club laughed with her, even Mr Schue.

When Rachel needed advice she had asked the girls if she could ask them something personal, hoping that they could help her, however Santana didn't bat an eyelid and replied. _"Yes you should move to Israel."_ Rachel temporarily ignored the comment and asked them anyway before Quinn said coldly. _"Please stop talking, you're making my baby feel nauseas."_

'_I'm sick and tired of being picked on and laughed at.'_ She sobbed as she read through the numerous notebooks filled with her torment. _'Why is it always me? Why does everyone have to be so mean?'_

With her fathers away for business or pleasure quite frequently, although it was usually the former, Rachel felt the loneliest she had ever felt in a long time, and ever since she had told them that she had found her birth mother Shelby they had left her alone more frequently and for longer periods of time. Shelby was another person in her life that seemed to not want her around, Rachel only wanted the relationship a mother and daughter should have, it was all she craved, more than her Broadway dream was her dream of knowing her mom, however she was rejected and replaced with the baby Quinn gave birth to. Shelby didn't want a teenage daughter, she wanted a baby daughter.

Even though the Glee club was at the bottom of the Social School Ladder there were still circles of friendship within the club and more often than not, those circles connected, however no matter how hard she tried, Rachel wasn't considered part of those circles, even in a club that had no place in the school's social standing, she had no place. She would probably be kicked out if it wasn't for the fact that they needed twelve members to compete.

She only had three people on her side; the school guidance councillor Ms Pillsbury, who had suggested that she write down all the bullying, Coach Beiste, the new football coach who had taken a liking to the girl and Coach Sylvester who despised bullying of any kind. Coach Sylvester was disgusted that William Schuester, the one teacher in the school who believed that all kids were special in their own way, was allowing one of his own club members to be harassed and was even part of the harassment, yet with Kurt Hummel he had leapt to the boy's defence before he transferred schools for his own safety. Ms Pillsbury had noticed the change in Rachel's attitude and appearance and insisted that she talk to someone and keep a diary of every aspect of her life, good or bad, while asking that Rachel come talk to her. And Coach Beiste, who, not really knowing the girl well, relied of first impressions and what Rachel's teachers told her, was horrified to learn that there was only three people in the school who were acutely aware of the harassment and trying to help. Being a past victim of bullying and occasionally presently taunted because of her size, Coach Beiste recognised the signs early and assured Rachel that she was around should the girl need to talk. At first Rachel was happy, but even with three members of the staff supporting her, her fathers supporting her and the writing, Rachel was still struggling, the smallest thing was going to push her over the edge and no one was doing anything to help her.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"We're not doing original songs Rachel and that's final." Mr Schue sighed for the umpteenth time. "They're too unpredictable in competitions."

"But I read that that's what the judges are looking for this year, originality-"

"No Rachel. You have no idea what you're talking about, you're just a silly little girl who thinks she knows everything when in fact the only thing you know is how to better a situation for yourself." Mr Schue finally snapped and yelled at her. "This discussion is over, if you can't be a team player then leave. You need to listen to _others_ for once in your life, not everything is about you."

Rachel's face burned with humiliation and as she fought back the tears she could hear Mercedes, Santana and Quinn sniggering behind her. Regionals was three months away and the New Directions still hadn't put together a set list, she really wanted to go to New York, she wanted the New Directions to go to New York and she had read that the judges this year were looking for originality, however it looked like they were going to be performing the same old songs.

An hour later and Glee club was over, having made no progress in the set list or the choreography Mr Schue had sent them home, Rachel was last to leave; having not being included in the shopping trip Mercedes had planned with Kurt or the gaming afternoon Finn was having at his house, she had no alternative but to stay behind. She was in no hurry to get home as her fathers were still away so she pulled out her latest notebook and began writing, she hated that she had a perfect memory and could remember everything said, it came in handy sometimes but now it was an awful thing to have. After writing in her journal she pulled out another notebook, the one she wrote her songs in, she had been working on an original song since before Sectionals when she first suggested original songs to Mr Schue.

"Rachel?" Coach Beiste was walking by when she saw the small girl sitting alone. "What happened?" She came in and sat next to her.

Rachel tried to compose herself but failed and broke down, she sobbed and told the football coach exactly what had been said during rehearsal, the large woman took the small girl into her arms and held her close, that was the moment Coach Beiste felt how the bullying was affecting Rachel; the girl had lost so much weight and being such a small girl to begin with, it was beginning to get dangerous.

"Have you talked to Emma? Your dads?"

"I spoke with Ms Pillsbury earlier and I'm seeing her tomorrow. My dads know about the bullying and they said they'd come home but I told them not to, they work so hard and I hurt them by telling them about Shelby, I can't ruin their careers over silly problems." Rachel choked. "They called last night and told me that the company has extended their tour by two more months, they wanted to come home but I'm already ruining everyone else's lives, I can't ruin my dads' lives too."

"You're not ruining anything Rachel, you need your fathers, and you need support." Coach Beiste assured. Rachel's sleeves lifted up a little and she could see bruises across her wrists. _'Those look like rubber band bruises, is she hurting herself?'_ "You're obviously not safe in this environment, what else do you like to do?"

"I tried out for the Gymnastics team Freshman year and last year but was rejected. I also draw and paint but I've never shown anyone."

"Well listen, I coach the Gymnastics team this year and I think you'd be perfect for the team, I also think that maybe you should join the Artists club. Try something new." Coach Beiste explained. "Think about it?"

Rachel nodded. "Thanks Coach."

"Call me Shannon, all my friends do." Shannon smiled. "Come on, we'd better get out of here before the janitor locks us in." They left and walked to Rachel's car where Shannon gave her a card. "Here's my cell number, if you need anything then you can call me." She waited until Rachel got in her car and pulled out of the school parking lot before going to her own car. _'Poor kid.'_

When Rachel got home she felt slightly better, she even picked up her sketching pencil and drew, however experience always taught her that feeling good doesn't always last and that what comes up must go down.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Experience proved to be right; a week after her talk with Shannon she had suggested that to celebrate Christmas the Glee club get a proper tree, of course they'd laughed at her because she was Jewish and didn't celebrate Christmas, then Quinn had said that it would be nice to get a decent tree rather than the shaggy one Noah had picked up, the others lapped it up and sent Rachel to pick one out, she asked Finn to go with her and he reluctantly agreed but told her they couldn't take too long. Everything was going fine until Finn began moaning about how cold it was and how long Rachel was taking picking one out, he was missing out on a Pizza and Bowling night the club had organised, which Quinn and Santana had made sure that Rachel knew about but wasn't invited to, when she snapped and told him to grow up and be a man for once in his life, he had obviously taken offence to her words as he very quickly stormed off yelling how it was any wonder she was still in the club when no one could stand her, got into his truck and drove away, leaving her abandoned six miles outside of town and in twenty degrees below freezing weather. Her jeans were rather thin and she was alone, she was hoping Finn would grow a conscious and come back if only to take her home, however an hour after he left she was still standing there so she pulled out her phone and looked through her phonebook; Noah was trying to be a good friend to Finn again and was ignoring her, Mr Schue always sided with Finn and none of the other club members would come get her, she dialled the only number she knew could help her.

"Shannon? It's Rachel Berry, I need help." She said tearfully.

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Shannon was fuming, Sue and Emma weren't in much better moods, they were just leaving the school when Shannon got Rachel's call; Shannon and Sue had practice while Emma was cleaning her office. Emma and Sue grabbed extra blankets from the nurse's office and got into Shannon's car while Shannon turned the heat up all the way for when they reached Rachel.

'_Does that boy have no common sense?'_ Shannon asked herself furiously.

"Over there." Emma pointed from the back seat when they pulled into the Christmas tree lot. Rachel was sat with the owner who had wrapped a small blanket round the girl and was holding her, Rachel's lips were blue and her skin white. "Thank you so much." Emma addressed the older woman. "Come on Rachel, let's get you to the hospital."

"No please just take me home." Rachel pleaded weakly, she was so tired she could hardly keep her eyes open.

"Honey, listen to your friend." The old woman advised. "You've been out here for awhile now and you're very close to catching hypothermia."

"Ok, thank you very much." Rachel smiled sleepily at the woman.

"I just wish I could've done more." The old woman said sadly before going into the office.

"Come on Rachel, it'll be ok." Emma lead the girl to the car where Sue wrapped a larger blanket round her and got into the back with her. "She's agreed to go to the hospital." She told them before pulling out her phone.

"I'm on it." Shannon put her foot down and sped to the hospital, though still keeping within the speed limit.

When they arrived at the hospital Shannon lifted Rachel from the car and the three women ran inside straight for the main reception. "My name is Emma Pillsbury, I called about my student coming in." Emma said to the receptionist.

"Doctor White to main reception please. Doctor White to main reception." The woman called over the tannoy. "She'll be with you in just a moment, if I can get you to fill these forms out and take a seat, you won't be waiting long."

They sat down but needn't have; the doctor and a nurse came running through with a gurney, Shannon gently put Rachel on the gurney still wrapped in the blankets and followed the doctor, Sue and Emma close behind her.

"Her name is Rachel Berry, she's seventeen and she's been out in twenty below for at least three hours." Sue explained when they entered an examination room. "I'm going to call her fathers, see if I can't get them to give me guardianship powers while they're away."

"I'll go with you, I can explain to them the situation," Emma said. "Rachel may have told them some things but I doubt she's told them everything." The two women left.

"Rachel, honey keep your eyes open for me." Dr White encouraged. "Nurse we need to get some warm fluids in her and get her out of these cold and wet clothes."

"Yes doctor." The nurse pulled the curtain round giving them privacy.

"If I could have a word please." Dr White turned to Shannon. "Rachel seems to be incredibly thin for a girl of seventeen."

"I don't think she's been eating a whole lot lately, she's bullied quite frequently at school and her fathers are away." Shannon explained.

"I also noticed the bruising on her wrists."

"I think they're from rubber bands." Shannon said. "I haven't asked her outright but I think Rachel's hurting herself trying to regain a little bit of control."

"Some victims of bullying see that self-harm is the only way to regain control. Do you know why she was out in this freezing cold for so long?"

"As far as I'm aware she and another member of the Glee club went to pick out a Christmas tree and he left her there." Shannon clenched her fists. _'When I see that boy on Monday he's going to be sorry he ever left her.'_

"Dr, she's ready now." The nurse poked her head through the curtain before turning to Shannon. "She's asking for you."

Dr White and Shannon went through the curtain, Rachel was still wrapped in the blankets but had a pair of hospital pyjamas on instead of her clothes.

"Thank you." She said weakly as Shannon sat next to her.

"Anytime Rachel, Sue and Emma are talking to your dads right now."

"Rachel I'm Dr White, I'd like to ask you a couple of questions if you don't mind." Rachel shook her head. "How long were you out in the cold for before you called your teachers?"

"We'd been there about two hours before Finn began complaining how cold and hungry he was, I got so sick and tired of it that I lost my temper and snapped at him so he left shouting that no one liked me. I waited an hour I guess before I called Shannon, I was hoping that he'd be a decent person and at least come back to take me home but he never did. While I was waiting for Shannon the old woman who owns the lot came out of the office and asked why I was still there, I don't remember much after that, I began to get really tired."

"I understand that you are the victim of bullying in your school. What are your sleeping patterns like usually?"

"Um, lately or before the bullying?"

"Both if you don't mind."

"Well, before the bullying I would go to bed around nine or ten and be up for six when my alarm goes off, but now I go to bed at ten and just lay there for hours until I drop off, usually around two or three before waking up again at five and I can't get back to sleep."

"I see, and your eating habits?"

"I'm a vegan so I don't touch animal products. Lately I haven't been overly hungry so I know that I've lost weight."

"Thank you Rachel." Dr White smiled and put her pen back in her pocket. "If you don't mind I'd like to keep you in overnight for observation." She wasn't going to mention the bruising just yet but she made a note of it in Rachel's medical folder.

"I can't I have school tomorrow." Rachel panicked. "I can't miss Glee club, I'll let everyone down."

"Ok, it's ok Rachel, it wasn't a command that you stay in, but I would like to make sure that you get a good night's sleep from now on so I'm going to prescribe you some sleeping tablets to help you sleep."

Rachel nodded gratefully just as Sue and Emma walked in.

"Rachel you're ok." Emma smiled.

"Thank you."

"Anytime Streisand." Sue winked playfully. "I've just got off the phone with your fathers, while they're away they've given me guardianship over you in case of emergencies, they're going to fax the official paperwork in the morning."

Rachel nodded and closed her eyes again, she hadn't realised how tired she was until now. She felt a small sharp scratch as the doctor put an IV into her arm and felt the slow push of warm fluids flowing into her body. She vaguely heard the doctor tell the three women that once her temperature reached normalcy again then she was free to go before drifting off into a deep sleep.

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The next morning Rachel woke up in her own bed; Shannon, Sue and Emma must have brought her home while she was asleep. For the first time in a long time she felt fully rested, she got up and ready for school before going downstairs surprised to see Emma in her kitchen making breakfast.

"Morning Rachel, I made vegan pancakes." She smiled and put the plate on the breakfast bar.

"Thanks Emma." She sat down and began to take small bites of her pancakes, she realised how full she was after only a few and pushed the plate away slightly. "Sorry, I guess I haven't been eating properly and my stomach is used to that."

"It's ok Rachel, you could take a couple for lunch if you want." Emma put the remaining pancakes in a tupp-a-ware tub and sealed it putting it in Rachel's school bag. "You ready?"

Rachel nodded and put her shoes on, following Emma outside to her car.

They drove in comfortable silence before they reached the school, it must have been later than they thought because Noah was standing in the parking lot waiting for someone, when he saw Rachel's car he visibly relaxed and came over.

"Berry, you ok? My ma told me you were in the hospital last night, asked if I had anything to do with it." He spoke rapidly the moment she stepped out of the car.

"I'm fine Puckerman, please move I'd like to get to class." Rachel said quietly.

'_She never calls me Puckerman, it's always Noah. What's wrong with her?'_ "Actually I also came to bring you to Glee club, Mr Schue wants us to meet for first and second period."

Rachel sighed and let herself be lead through the corridors to the choir room, she sat in the back of the room while everyone chatted happily about the night before until Mr Schue came in. "Ok everyone, I have an announcement, Kurt is coming back to the New Directions and he's bringing Blaine."

There was a general cheer round the room, Rachel however panicked; Blaine could easily see that Kurt was being bullied before he moved schools, what if he could tell Rachel was being bullied too? _'What if they kick me out because they have more than enough people to compete now?'_

"Easy guys, they won't be coming until next week so I was thinking this week's assignment could be a welcome/welcome back kind of theme, something upbeat and happy." Mr Schue continued. "Rachel, start us off please."

Rachel froze, she had nothing prepared, she had a song that she'd written but doubted that the Glee club would want to hear it. "I uh, I don't really have anything prepared." She stammered.

"Well just bring something out on the fly then." Mercedes said bored. "Just hurry up so someone else can have a turn."

Rachel sighed and stood up, she grabbed a couple of music sheets from her song writing notebook and handed them to the band members before facing the club, she bit her lip as the first notes were played.

(_BAND MEMBERS_)

Last year's old news  
I'm breaking out my six-string  
And playing from my heart  
It's not deja vu  
'Cause it's another summer  
That's how this chapter starts

I'm gonna run so fast till I can't breathe  
Come along and follow me  
Let's make some noise we never did before

It's a brand new day  
Don't you see me  
Changing up my ways  
So completely?  
This time I'm gonna sing  
And you're gonna hear it  
This time I'm gonna show you that I got the spirit  
It's a brand new day  
And I'm feeling good  
And I'm feeling good

So drama-free  
I'm all about the music  
I just wanna sing  
Watch me live out my dreams  
I'm gonna rock that stage  
And give my everything

I'm gonna dance until my feet can't move  
Come along; get in the groove  
Let's shine brighter than we did before

It's a brand new day  
Don't you see me  
Changing up my ways  
So completely?  
This time I'm gonna sing  
And you're gonna hear it  
This time I'm gonna show you that I got the spirit  
It's a brand new day  
And I'm feeling good

_(Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do?)_  
I'm gonna laugh through the summer with you  
_(Who you gonna be? Who you gonna be?)_  
You'll just have to watch and can't believe  
_(Where you gonna go? Where you gonna go?)_  
Anywhere my heart wants me to go  
I'm gonna sing, I'm gonna dance  
I'm gonna write, I'm gonna play  
I'm gonna try my hand at everything

'Cause it's a brand new day  
Don't you see me  
Changing up my ways  
So completely?  
This time I'm gonna sing  
And you're gonna hear it  
This time I'm gonna show you that I got the spirit  
It's a brand new day

It's a brand new day  
Don't you see me  
Changing up my ways  
_(It's a brand new day)_  
So completely?  
This time I'm gonna sing  
And you're gonna hear it  
This time I'm gonna show you that I got the spirit  
It's a brand new day  
And I'm feeling good  
_(It's a brand new day)_  
It's a brand new day  
And I'm feeling good  
Feeling good  
And I'm feeling good

By the time the song had ended she was out of breath and had a side stitch from the dancing, the band cheered, Mr Schue and Brad clapped, the rest of the Glee club looked at her oddly.

"I've never heard of that song." Mike said. _'It is so good, we'd win Regionals if we were doing original songs.'_

Rachel shrugged and sat back down, Mr Schue went to the band and took one of the sheets. "'Music and lyrics by Rachel Berry.' Rachel you can't throw songs that you've written around like this, we're not doing them in competitions or in rehearsals."

"But-"

"No buts Manhands, none of us write songs, why should you be the exception, God why can't you just fit in for once?" Quinn sneered.

"Quinn's right Rachel; you need to start being a team player and fitting in or you're going to cause us to lose Regionals and Nationals." Mr Schue agreed.

The good feeling Rachel had when she sang vanished, her face flushed in humiliation again before she gathered her bags, snatched the music sheet from Mr Schue and ran from the room in tears. No one tried to stop her.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It had taken Emma, Sue and Shannon to get Rachel to calm down enough for the girl to tell them what happened in Glee club, although Sue had a suspicion already, when she was finally calm she was exhausted and fell asleep on Emma's office sofa, Emma wrote a note for all her class teachers excusing her from class and that one of the other students should collect Rachel's notes and assignments and bring them to her office.

By afternoon classes Rachel had woken up and was sitting in Emma's office talking about her bullying, something that Emma insisted upon; reading what Rachel went through from the numerous notebooks was fine, but Emma wanted Rachel to be able to grow stronger and talking about her torment was the only way to do it.

"I gave Ms Wilkins a couple of my sketches the other day." Rachel said out of the blue. "She wants me to become a full member of the Artists club, and Shannon asked if I'd made a decision about the gymnastics team."

"That's great Rachel, and have you?" Emma asked.

"I have, I've joined the Artists club, it doesn't clash with Glee rehearsal so I don't have to worry about letting them down and having them hate me even more." She said. "I'm still thinking about the Gymnastics team; practice will occasionally clash with Glee rehearsals so I'm not sure yet."

"What would make you feel happier? Forget about the others and think what would make _you_ happy."

Rachel bit her lip in thought. "Well, I'm talented enough to make it to Broadway on my own merit," She began to sound like her old self. "and I can sing anytime really. I'm really not happy in Glee at the moment and I think that maybe Gymnastics would be better for me."

Emma smiled. _'We're making progress.'_

Suddenly Mr Schue burst in the office door. "Emma you got a minute? Oh Rachel, what are you doing in here? Shouldn't you be in class?"

Rachel suddenly shrank, it was like he was scolding her again. "I'm sorry, I can leave if-"

"No Rachel you can stay." Emma smiled at the girl and then frowned at Mr Schue. "_You_ can leave right now, Rachel and I are in the middle of a discussion and we don't appreciate you barging in like this."

"Emma, what's gotten into you?" Mr Schue asked.

"I am having a discussion with a student Mr Schuester and if you don't leave right now I shall call for Principle Figgins." Emma stood up. "How dare you barge in like this, you could see that I had a student with me and yet you still come in unannounced and asked her why she was here. It's disgusting and unprofessional."

"Ok, I'm sorry. I'll come back later." Mr Schue had never seen Emma act this way before, it scared him a little. He left the office and went back to his classroom, which happened to be in the opposite angle of the office.

"Thank you." Rachel said quietly.

"You were here first and you were invited, I was getting sick and tired of him barging in anyway, that telling off was long overdue and it felt good." Emma laughed and then sobered up a little. "I saw the way you changed when he came in and spoke to you Rachel, are you scared of Will Schuester?"

"Not scared 'he's going to hit me scared' but I think it's more of a 'he's going to scold me and berate me' scared, it's like nothing I do is good enough."

"You don't take Spanish do you?"

"No, my fathers hired a tutor for that class. I only have to see him during Glee."

"Maybe when Kurt and his friend Blaine get here you should officially quit Glee club and join Shannon's Gymnastics team."

Rachel nodded. "That would probably be best. I'd better get to my class now, thanks for talking with me Emma."

"Anytime Rachel, my door is always open for you." Rachel stood up and left the office.

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"Come on Hudson move your feet." Shannon yelled across the pitch. "You can dance, have you forgotten how to run?"

"Dude she has been coming down on your ass all afternoon." Noah said.

"What did you do?" Mike asked.

"Nothing, that I know of." Finn protested.

"Do you think it has anything to do with why Berry was in the hospital last night? I know that she and Beiste are close." Noah suggested.

"Wait, Rachel was in the hospital? Why? And how do you know?" Sam asked.

"Ma's a nurse there and saw her come in, as for why I don't know, I think ma does but she's not allowed to tell me; patient confidentiality and all that."

"What did you do to her?" Mike asked Finn.

"_Nothing_." He defended himself angrily before sighing in frustration and stopping.

"Who said you boys could stop?" Shannon came over. "What are you ladies yapping about?"

"Nothing Coach." Mike told her.

"I didn't give any of you permission to stop, now get back to your drills and if I see any of you slacking you'll be doing double drills." Shannon snapped angrily and stormed off.

"This isn't over Finn." Sam promised as they continued their drills.

By the time practice was over the Glee boys were exhausted, yet Shannon had Finn stay behind to put the equipment away. Mr Schue even came to look for him when he hadn't turned up to Glee club.

"Shannon? What is Finn still doing here? Glee club started almost twenty minutes ago and my lead male is here." He asked angrily.

"I asked him to stay behind to put the equipment away, all the others boys do it except for your Glee kids and it's not fair on the others so from now on, everyone pitches in no matter what other clubs or classes they have." She told him. "While I've got you here you might want to sit down Will and I can tell you exactly what kind of person Finn Hudson is." Shannon gestured for them to sit down. "I got a call last night from Rachel, Finn had left her stranded in the Christmas tree lot six miles outside of town with no way of getting home." She began.

"Finn, is this true?" Mr Schue asked.

"Yeah, but she was driving me crazy, Mr Schue you know how she is, you even agreed with Quinn earlier." Finn argued.

"Don't think that I don't know about that either Will." Shannon told him. "You left her there because you wanted to go to a pizza and bowling night with the rest of the Glee club, something Rachel wasn't invited to by the way, and you were too cold. Well guess what Hudson? Rachel waited an hour before she called me; she was hoping that you'd grow a conscience and come back if only to take her home, but you never did, did you?"

"No." Finn had the decency to look down in shame. "It's just she was taking forever to pick out a stupid tree, I was cold and hungry and then this stupid romantic song came on and I knew that she was trying to get me back again, even though I'm in love with Quinn. Then she suddenly went crazy and started yelling at me so I left, I wasn't going to take that from a girl, especially not a girl like Rachel."

"Finn, it was twenty degrees below last night, the coldest that it's been for a while." Mr Schue scolded lightly. "Why didn't she call me or any of the others? And what about her fathers?"

"And have to wait longer for them to complain about it before coming to get her? She would have gotten seriously sick Will, and she knows that you always side with Finn, maybe she didn't want a lecture from you when she was the victim in the situation." Shannon raised her eyebrows. "As for her fathers, they're away on business and have had to extend their trip for longer."

"Puck doesn't talk to her." Finn said.

"Why?" Mr Schue asked confused, Noah and Rachel had done an amazing duet together not long ago.

"Because he's trying to be a good friend to _me_." Finn explained as though it were obvious.

"Ok, enough about Finn." Mr Schue said. "Was Rachel ok?"

"Sue, Emma and I took her to the hospital, though it took some convincing, luckily the woman who owns and runs the lot helped to convince her too. Hypothermia had just begun to set in so the doctor gave her some warm fluids, she wanted Rachel to stay in overnight but Rachel said she'd rather go home." Shannon explained. "And just why wasn't Rachel invited to the pizza and bowling night?"

"She knew about it so if she really wanted to come she would have showed up anyway." Finn mumbled. "Besides, you've met her Coach; she's boring, controlling and when she can't get her own way she throws a temper tantrum, like today; Mr Schue told her to sing a song for this week's assignment and she did but it was one she had written herself, when Mr Schue said we weren't going to be doing original songs in competitions or rehearsals she stormed out the room. It's no secret that no one in the club really likes her and it's about time she realised that."

Mr Schue threw his head into his hands.

"Like I said, I already know what happened this morning but thank you Finn for enlightening me on how you all really feel about Rachel."

"They don't _all_ dislike her." Mr Schue began defending his club. "It's just that she can be a bit much sometimes, ok all the time." He added at Shannon's glare. "She acts too much like an adult than a teenager."

"She's that way because she has to take care of herself for long periods of time while her fathers are away." Shannon told them. "The song wasn't terrible was it?"

"Actually it was really good, I'm surprised she'd written a song already to be honest, she only mentioned them before Sectionals." Mr Schue admitted. Then his demeanour changed. "Look if she wasn't happy in Glee club then she would have left it by now, although everyone knows that she'd be back within a week." Mr Schue added under his breath. _'What is going on with the staff lately? Suddenly everything is about Rachel.'_

"You are unbelievable, you don't really know the girl and yet you judge her. Get out of my locker room, you are lucky you're still on the football team." She dismissed him and he hurriedly left the locker room, Mr Schue sighed and followed.

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That night Rachel was writing more of her song and adding the finishing touches to her latest sketch, when Finn and Mr Schue had returned to Glee club things hadn't gone so well for her and she left early.

_FLASHBACK_

"_You sad pathetic little girl." Finn had stormed in and backed her into a corner. "You can't handle a little true fact and you go tell Beiste that I left you at the Christmas tree lot? Are you trying to ruin my life?"_

"_Hey, dude back up a little." Mike came over when he saw Rachel's fear._

"_No, I won't back up. Not only did this tramp cheat on me with my best friend, she also trapped me at that stupid Christmas tree lot and try to win me back by singing some pathetic love song and then told Coach Beiste that I left her there." Finn glared at the shaking girl._

"_Did you?" Tina asked. "Leave her at the tree lot?"_

"_Yeah, but so what? You guys would have done the same thing."_

"_He's not wrong there." Quinn nodded while Santana and Mercedes agreed._

"_So that's why you were at the hospital last night?" Noah asked her, she nodded._

"_Overly dramatic much." Mercedes scoffed. "Going to the hospital and wasting their time just because you got a little cold?"_

"_No one is that pathetic unless they're trying to get attention." Santana sneered._

"_What was the true fact?" Artie asked Finn._

"_That no one likes her." Finn answered. "Something that she needs to accept."_

"_Well-" Noah began._

"_If you so much as finish that sentence I will personally make sure you can't get anyone pregnant again." Quinn glared. "No one likes Rachel Berry, no one. Her mother abandoned her _again_ and adopted _my_ baby to replace her, her fathers are never around and she has no friends, she may have big dreams about leaving Lima and being on Broadway but the closest she's going to get to those dreams is being rejected _every time_ she auditions."_

"_You don't belong here Berry, not in this school, not in this club, this town, hell, not even this life." Santana added. "Why don't you do us all a favour; leave and never come back. None of us want you here and with Lady Hummel and his boy-toy coming tomorrow we won't need you in the club either."_

"_We've already proven that we can make it through competitions without her." Tina admitted reluctantly._

_Rachel looked tearfully over to the door, somewhere in the verbal abuse Mr Schue had walked in and once again didn't do anything to stop it, he shook his head disappointedly at her and went to the whiteboard, he'd talk to Rachel after Glee club._

"_Ok guys, that's enough."_

"_This isn't over Rachel." Finn hissed before taking his seat next to Quinn, he made a big show of wrapping his arm around her._

_The other members also took their places, Rachel sat on the chair beside her, farthest away from everyone else and looked to her knees._

"_We can't go to Regionals if we can't work as a team guys, Finn just because Coach Beiste gave you a hard time in football practice doesn't mean you can bring your bad mood here." Mr Schue began._

"_Well my 'bad mood' is in this room Mr Schue, it's bad enough she's trying to sabotage my relationship with Quinn but now she's trying to ruin my future." Finn complained._

"_And Rachel, you can't go around making your team mates' lives difficult, I've already told you that your attitude is what's going to cause us to lose at competitions and it's not ok. We've put up with it for too long, you either change or you leave and never come back. Your choice."_

'Kurt's coming back soon anyway, I might as well leave now. It's not like I fit in anyway.'_ She bit her lip, everyone was looking at her; they expected her to stay. She took in a deep breath and stood up. "I wish you all the best at Regionals." She left without looking back._

_END FLASHBACK_

It was now official, she had quit Glee club for good, when she got home she wrote what had transpired earlier before she put all of her Glee memories in a box and hid it in the back of her closet before pulling out her sketch pad, she was almost finished adding the detail to her sketch when the doorbell rang. Getting up she wandered over to the door and opened it, only to have an egg thrown at her face, yolk trickled down into her mouth and she unwillingly swallowed before she turned and threw up. On her front lawn was the Glee club, the football team and the Cheerios all laughing and taking pictures, although Mike, Artie, Tina, Sam and Noah weren't laughing, each teenager had a carton of eggs and Finn was holding a paint bucket. _'I don't want to even think what's in that bucket.'_ Rachel heaved again and threw up once more.

"You can't just go around ruining people's lives any more Rachel and not have the favour returned." Quinn sneered. "First mine, then Puck's, now Finn's. Let's not forget that your dads are away all the time so you _must_ be ruining their lives and your mom doesn't want you around because she knew you'd ruin hers."

Finn walked up to her and poured the contents of the bucket over Rachel's head, a mixture of eggs, flour and milk splashed onto Rachel's head and fell down her body, she caught another smell of eggs, heaved and threw up for the third time. She finally moved past the initial shock and slammed the door shut, collapsing on her knees sobbing.

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"Maybe we should have tried to stop them." Artie looked at Rachel's door guiltily. "Or at least talked to them."

"I didn't think they'd take it this far, sure Rachel can be slightly annoying but she didn't deserve that." Mike sighed.

"She threw up. We need to see if she's ok." Tina wanted to run for the door.

"She's going to think that we were part of it." Sam said. "She's not going to want to talk to us."

"We go to Figgins Monday morning and tell him, I'm getting really pissed off at Finn lately, he's holding this best friend loyalty thing over my head and it's driving me insane." Noah surprised them. "I was a huge jerk to Rachel after our duet and ignored her, she wouldn't have had to call Beiste if I hadn't chose Finn over her."

"We've all been pretty awful to her," Mike admitted, "and I looked on a Show Choir blog site, turns out she's right; the judges are looking for originality and with that kick ass song she wrote and performed this morning we could win."

"And now we've forced her out of the club." Tina looked down sadly.

"Come on you guys, we're going to pick up Kurt and Blaine and then we're getting pizza." Finn had an arm wrapped around Quinn's shoulders ignoring the flirty looks she was sending Noah and Sam, although either boy didn't pay attention to her either.

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Rachel choked as she threw up again and fell back onto her knees in exhaustion, the whole night had been filled with nightmares of animals chasing her followed by violently throwing up in the morning, she weakly reached up and pulled on the flush chain and sighed. _'For someone with no gag reflex and can't force myself to be sick I'm sure throwing up a lot.'_ She thought bitterly before pulling herself up to brush her teeth. Her face was covered with red marks; burst blood vessels from the retching and heaving, rinsing her mouth out she leant on the sink and breathed deeply begging herself not to throw up again. Once she was sure that the vomiting had stopped she went back into her room and buried herself under the duvet, she'd deserved a day in bed and it wasn't like anyone wanted to hang out with her today, she closed her eyes and dreamed she was in a world where she wasn't picked on, a world that she wished existed.


	5. Chapter 4

_**I now give you the suicide attempt. A few have asked me to make Kurt nice and understanding and to bring Shelby into the picture. Kurt will be understanding, but it will be too late as he still craves attention and wants his feelings for Blaine to be reciprocated, as for Shelby, she'll be making an appearance after Regionals.**_

**Chapter 4**

Rachel spent the entire weekend cleaning the eggs from her house, vomiting and cooped up in her room, she would see the people she had always considered her friends throwing eggs at her or standing and doing nothing, no amount of sketching or singing was going to help her this time, she had reached rock bottom and there was no ladder for her to climb. Quinn's words would replay in her mind over and over again, as well as the memories of the bullying she'd received over the course of two years. She had finished her song and made a demo CD and sheet music of it, as she had done with all of her other songs, her sketch was finished, framed and leant against her bed as she sat on the floor in nothing but her underwear and dressing gown, she stared at the sketch and the sheet music, the CD playing in the background with the song on repeat and closed her eyes; she could still see that world where people weren't cruel to anyone else and she could see herself a part of that world, she had friends and was valued not just for her singing but also for her friendship and love for others. _'I want to be in that world.'_ She thought sadly before getting up to run herself a bath.

She felt better as she sank into the hot water, having already cleaned herself she emptied the bath and refilled it with no bubbles and relaxed, she could still hear the CD playing in her room, each time she heard the song and thought about her emotions as she wrote it, she felt worse and worse. _'I need a good night's sleep.'_ She leaned forward to reach for her sleeping pills and eyed the bottle strangely as she heard Quinn's voice in her head again. _"You ruin everyone's lives. Why don't you just leave? We don't want you here, not even your dads want you, and your mom chose my baby over you."_ She poured the bottle into her mouth and gulped them down with some water from the bath. She could still hear the voices in her head, they seemed to get louder and louder as she reached for her razor blade and phone, she dragged the blade deeply down one forearm, watching the blood pour from the wounds, under the gashes she wrote FREAK on each arm, before weakly picking up her phone and dialling Noah's number, she got his voicemail.

"Hey it's Rachel, I know you're not talking to me and you'll probably delete this message before you hear it but I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry for causing you and Finn so much trouble and that despite what you told me last year when I broke up with you I've always considered you a friend, and I lied back then, I never wanted to end things with you but I couldn't be second to Quinn when it came to your feelings. That may be hypocritical of me but I _promise_ you, that my feelings for Finn were nothing compared to the feelings I've had for you since you kissed me at my Bar Mitzva. I love you Noah." She hung up, tears steadily running down her cheeks, she was so tired and weak but she had one more number to dial.

The blood was steadily turning the water around her red, she couldn't see her legs or feet, her white underwear was quickly colouring. _'Not much longer and I won't be anyone's problem.'_

"Hey Shannon, it's me. I want to thank you, Sue and Emma for everything you've done for me lately, especially standing up for me when it comes to Mr Schuester. I officially quit Glee club on Friday, Kurt's back on Monday so there was really no point in me staying, I would have loved to have joined the Gymnastics team but I'm not sure I can anymore. I love you, Sue and Emma, you three have been like a mom to me, my three moms. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough." She sobbed and lost the feeling in her hands, the phone fell and crashed to the floor, the screen cracked and the back flew off into the corner. She closed her eyes and found herself in that perfect world once more.

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Shannon had listened to the message from Rachel after her workout session and immediately ran to her car, calling Sue and Emma on the way, she picked up Sue and together they raced to Rachel's house and using the spare key entered.

"Rachel." Shannon yelled. "Rachel answer me."

"Upstairs, I hear music." Sue ran upstairs, Shannon hot on her heels and burst into Rachel's room. "Bathroom." She pointed and opened the door, she nearly fainted at the sight of her student in the bathtub, surrounded by bloody water.

Shannon moved first and lifted Rachel's half naked body from the bathtub and gently lay her on a towel. Sue went back into the bedroom to dial 9-1-1.

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Emma was sat in Breadstix with Mr Schue on a date when her phone rang for the second time. "I'm sorry Will it might be important." She picked it out of her purse and put it to her ear. "Hello?"

"_Emma, where are you?"_ Shannon asked.

"I'm at Breadstix with Will, why what's going on? You called me earlier."

"_I got a voicemail from Rachel while I was at the gym, she's slashed her wrists and overdosed on her sleeping meds, you need to get to the hospital now."_

"Oh my God. Ok I'm on my way." She hung up and hurriedly stood up. "Sorry Will I have to go. I'll call you." She ran out of Breadstix and almost jumped into her car.

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Rebecca Puckerman was just coming onto her third night shift when the paramedics raced in with the gurney holding Rachel Berry. She immediately went into action and assisted the doctor, lifting the small girl onto the bed and attaching IV's to her arm, that's when she saw the bloodied arms. _'Oh God. Rachel why?'_ She took a breath and continued helping the doctor, checking Rachel's pupils and pulse constantly before they carted her off to surgery to perform a stomach pumping procedure and blood transfusion.

"Nurse Puckerman are you ok?" Doctor White asked.

"I'm fine, I just know that girl; she and my son go to the same school." She gulped for air. "I'll be fine." She assured.

"OK, I'm needed in surgery, if you need to talk you know where my office is." Doctor White ran down the corridor following Rachel.

Rebecca watched as the double doors closed before hurrying into the nearest bathroom and sobbed.

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It was three hours before Shannon, Sue and Emma heard anything from the doctors, they'd already cornered Rebecca Puckerman and asked her not to say anything to her son, which she had to agree to under her oath. Doctor White came into the relatives room and sat the three women down.

"Rachel took a lot of sleeping pills, some of them were ones I'd prescribed and others weren't, she's also lost a lot of blood which we're trying to replace with the blood transfusion but due to the lack of oxygen to her brain I'm afraid she's slipped into a coma." She began. "It's not a coma that we're not sure _if_ she'll wake up, it's one that her body's put her in so it can heal itself, but the problem is we don't know _when_ she'll wake up, some wake up after the first 24 hours, others don't wake up for days."

"But she will wake up." Emma said tearfully.

"We're positive that she will, yes." Doctor White smiled. "We'll be keeping her under close observation in the ICU for the first 48 hours."

"Thank you." Sue smiled weakly. "We'll let her fathers know."

Doctor White left. "Come on, we can't do anything else here." Shannon got up. "I'll call Hiram and tell him everything, Monday we'll talk to Principal Figgins."

The two women nodded and also got up.

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"This is a grave situation and we have to handle this delicately." Principal Figgins told the three women after they informed him of Rachel's situation. "We respect her fathers' wishes and keep this to ourselves until she makes more of a recovery, for the moment we tell her class teachers that she's been selected for an Honour Program in New York."

"As long as Schuester remains as clueless as he always has." Sue crossed her arms bitterly. "He had the power to stop the bullying and stand up for Rachel just like he did with Hummel, but unlike Hummel, he chose to let Rachel suffer, even joined in. I have that choir room audio and visually bugged, nothing goes on in that room that I don't know about and Rachel has journals filled with her torment, Schuester is mentioned more than once."

"I will hold a meeting with William, as for this Glee club I can see no alternative but to terminate it immediately."

"Why not wait until after Regionals?" Emma asked. "They have to place at Regionals to make it to Nationals, Rachel tried to tell Will every day that the judges are looking for originality but he wouldn't listen, if those kids go into that competition with non-original songs they will lose."

"You always said that if they didn't make it past Regionals you'd cancel the club, the only reason the club got a second year was because I persuaded you to let them have another go." Sue reminded him. "They're really on borrowed time and money; half of their expenses have come out of the Cheerio budget which I will happily put towards the Artists Club and the Gymnastics team." She smiled at Shannon who nodded her thanks.

"Very well." Figgins agreed. "Now, regarding the vandalism Miss Berry received Friday evening, you have an email with names of the students responsible?" He looked to Shannon.

"I can send you a copy when I get to my office." Shannon nodded. "The email was anonymous but I have narrowed it down to five people; Noah Puckerman, Tina Cohen-Chang, Sam Evans, Mike Chang and Artie Abrams, they're the five who feel most guilty for not defending Rachel even though they haven't openly admitted it to anyone you can see it in their eyes that they feel awful."

"I'd like a word with them, separately." Figgins made a note. "Thank you ladies. I will not let bullying at this school go on any longer, we lost a student ten years ago to bullying and Kurt Hummel transferred, Sue and Shannon, you are now in charge of putting together an anti-bullying group, Emma I will need you to open your doors for victims." The three women nodded and left the office.

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"You're kidding me? Rachel Berry quit Glee club?" Kurt asked scandalously as Mercedes filled him in. "She'll be back by the afternoon."

"I wouldn't count on it, Mr Schue said if she left she was to never come back." Mercedes told him. "Besides, we all went to her house that night and made sure she doesn't get any ideas about coming back."

"Oh? And what pray tell did you do?" Kurt was intrigued; gossip was his weakness right next to Vogue.

"Well, the football team, the Glee club and the Cheerios all got together and we went and egged her house, Finn even poured milk, eggs and flour over her head. Girl was sick three times before she went back inside, so I don't think she'll be coming back."

"Wait, you egged Rachel?" Kurt stopped in his tracks. "Why?"

"It was Finn and Quinn's idea, it was just something to make sure she stayed out of Glee club, and she told Beiste that Finn had left her at the Christmas tree lot outside of town and she had to go to hospital which if you ask me is a load of crap." Mercedes waved it off. "Where's Blaine?"

"He's getting his class schedule. I can't believe you egged Rachel when you know what happened the last time she was egged. I wish I had been there." Kurt sighed. "Don't tell Blaine though, he's really anti-bullying and I told him that I was after my whole Karofsky drama."

"But it's not considered bullying if it's Rachel," Mercedes reasoned, "just telling her a few home truths."

"He'll still see it as bullying, so keep it quiet ok? I really like him and want us to work."

"Ok, come on, you have all your old classes and they're all with me." The two best friends linked arms and hurried down the hall to their first class.

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"Ok guys, let's welcome back Kurt and welcome Blaine." Mr Schue clapped as the rest of the team cheered at the return of their friend. "Why don't you boys take a seat and we'll begin." Blaine and Kurt sat next to each other and smiled. "Right, Mercedes you're going to lead us with our solo, Santana will lead with our group number and Tina and Artie will handle our duet."

"Wow, you guys have written songs already? That's awesome." Blaine praised.

We're not doing original songs Blaine," Mr Schue explained gently, "as I told Rachel when she first suggested them they're too unpredictable. Anyway, Mike, Santana and Brittany are going to show you guys the choreography for the group number so get into positions."

'_But the judges are looking for originality, and where is Rachel?'_ Blaine wondered as he stood up and stood next to Kurt.

Half an hour later the bell rang once more and the New Directions went to lunch, none of them had noticed that Rachel had been absent so far and none of them would realise, until a little chat with Figgins.

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"Have a seat Mr Puckerman." Figgins gestured across from him. "You can relax, you are not in any kind of trouble. I understand from Coach Beiste that you were one of the students who sent her the anonymous email regarding the vandalism of Miss Berry's home Friday night."

"Yeah, I'd been dragged along, as well as Artie, Tina, Mike and Sam but we didn't know what the others had planned until we got there and Finn started ringing Berry's doorbell." He explained.

"What happened exactly?" Figgins asked Sam a few minutes later, having already gotten Noah's side of the story.

"Finn rang Rachel's doorbell, when she didn't answer the first time he did it again but she still didn't answer right away so he signalled for everyone to start throwing the eggs at the house."

"When Rachel came to the door Finn, Quinn and Santana began throwing the eggs at her," It was Tina's turn to tell her side of the story, "she threw up on the doorstep; some egg had gone into her mouth and I think she must have swallowed it, she's vegan so it made her really sick."

"She was sick once more before Mercedes handed Finn a large bucket, we didn't know what was in the bucket until he poured it over her head, she was sick again and managed to slam the door shut. They continued to egg her house, Karofsky and the other football players even bought out spray paint and defaced the windows and walls." Artie explained.

"What was in the paint bucket?" Figgins asked Mike.

"Eggs, flour and milk," he explained, "all dairy products which is why she was sick again. We wanted to go help her, or at least check that she was ok, but she had seen us with them and probably thought that we had something to do with it too."

"Why would she assume your involvement?" Figgins asked Noah.

"She's bullied a lot in school and especially in the club, it's mainly Schue, Kurt, Finn, Quinn, Santana and Mercedes lately but we don't do anything to stop them or help her." He explained.

"Mr Schue is supposed to be our teacher." Tina was getting upset. "He's supposed to put a stop to the bullying, like he tried to do with Kurt, instead he joins in and makes the situation worse."

"Whenever Rachel tries to stand up for herself he shouts at her." Sam explained. "I haven't known her long but it just seems to me that she knows what she's talking about when it comes to Glee and competing whereas Mr Schue doesn't and he's jealous that she has such big dreams."

"I have it under good authority that it was Miss Berry who raised the majority of the money needed for the Glee club to continue running." Figgins told Artie, it was true; not only was Sue giving them money but Rachel would tutor and sell her famous sugar cookies at Temple and dance and vocal classes to raise money for the club.

"Really? I'd always had a suspicion that she'd raised most of the money for me to have the disabled bus last year but I thought that the money raising had stopped after Sectionals." He admitted.

"Indeed, money for the fabric for your costumes, props for your assignments that Schuester sets you and set designs for your competitions." Figgins read from the note in front of him.

"I had no idea." Mike admitted. "I wish I'd done something to help her." He sighed. "She's been helping me with my vocal strength and confidence and I repay her by letting her suffer."

"I think those kids are genuinely sorry for letting this go on as long as it did." Figgins told Emma, Shannon and Sue later at lunch. "And their stories for Friday night are all the same."

"I always thought at least a few of those kids would have a conscience." Shannon smiled sadly. "If only it didn't take this long for them to realise."

"The moment we have the Berry's permission, we'll tell them about Miss Berry, until then we have to remain true to our word." Figgins explained. "Now, for the matter of punishment for the football team, the Cheerios and the involved Glee club."

"Well I know what I want to do to those kids." Shannon growled.

"Easy there Beiste, we can't do anything illegal." Sue said calmly. "I have just the punishment for my Cheerios."

"And I know what I'm going to do to my football players." Shannon added.

"Please ladies, don't make anything a legal issue with your punishments, the last thing this school needs are legal issues because of punishments." Figgins implored. "Now if you'll excuse me I have a meeting with the School Board about this whole situation, now that I have statements from Miss Cohen-Chang, Mr Chang, Mr Evans, Mr Puckerman and Mr Abrams we can set in motion a complete anti-bullying scheme."

Sue, Shannon and Emma left the room and went to sit in Emma's office. "I hope she wakes up soon." Emma sighed. "Who knows what the blood loss and the pill combination have done to her mind."

"I just wish we could've done more." Shannon looked down sadly.

"We didn't know about the vandalism, there was nothing we could do." Sue assured her colleague. "For now we wait and hope that she wakes up sooner rather than later and if there are any side effects we'll help her."

The other two women nodded, unaware that Emma's office door was open a little and that a certain blogger had overheard their conversation.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Rachel made no improvements over the following days, every day Shannon, Emma and Sue would visit and she'd be laying there, as still and as pale as she was when she was brought in. At school, people were beginning to wonder where the "annoying, loud-mouth loser" was, every day Noah looked for his fellow Jew, he even came into school early hoping to see her, only to be disappointed and worried; she'd never missed a day of school in her life. _'Something must be really wrong.'_

He shared his concerns with Tina, Sam, Artie and Mike in private, he didn't know Blaine enough to trust him fully and he knew that the rest of the glee club wouldn't be interested in his concerns. They all agreed that after school they should go to Rachel's house to see if she was ok before going into the choir room to listen to the others whining about their ongoing punishments for vandalising the Berry home.

"What I want to know is how they found out." Quinn complained before sending Noah and Sam flirty smiles behind Finn's back.

"Coach Sylvester was passing by and saw us, she told Coach Beiste and Figgins." Santana told her for what seemed to be the hundredth time since the incident.

"But to give us all detentions? They should be giving us awards for public service or something, Manhands hasn't shown her ugly face since." Quinn sneered.

"It was public vandalism." Sam spoke up. "We're lucky the Berry's aren't pressing charges."

"Whatever." Quinn waved her hand away.

Only Kurt and Blaine seemed to evade punishment as they weren't there the night of the vandalism, Noah, Tina, Artie, Mike and Sam agreed that they should have done something to stop the others and accepted their punishments along with the rest of the glee club, Cheerios and football team.

"I still can't believe you egged, floured and spray painted someone's house." Blaine was disgusted with his new team mates' actions.

"Kurt had nothing to do with it, he didn't even know until I told him." Mercedes jumped in. Kurt was desperate for Blaine to ask him out officially, she knew how important this relationship was for her best friend.

"It's still wrong," Blaine stood. "Rachel is supposed to be your team mate and friend, she deserves better treatment from you guys that that."

"Oh please, she's not our team mate or our friend, never has been." Santana rolled her eyes. "The whole time she was in this club it might as well have been the Rachel Berry club and her band of followers, she hated it that we didn't need her at Sectionals and didn't like a home truth that she needed to hear either."

"Egging, flouring and spray painting her house is exactly what she deserves, she's had so much more coming to her for ruining everyone's lives." Quinn smiled.

"Want to tell me why my entire Glee club, except Kurt and Blaine, have detentions until Regionals?" Mr Schue had come into the room and was not happy.

"We kind of threw eggs, flour and spray painted Rachel's house on Friday night," Finn admitted after a long pause of silence, "and I poured a bucket of milk, eggs and flour over her too."

"And you got caught, Coach Sylvester saw you guys do it."

"It wasn't just us you know." Mercedes stood up, but then sat down at the expression on her teacher's face.

"I know, the rest of the football team and the Cheerios, Sue and Shannon are dealing with those teams but they want me to deal with you guys." Mr Schue sighed. "Have any of you seen Rachel to apologise to her?"

"She hasn't been in school." Tina spoke up. "I tried to call her but her phone's been disconnected."

"Artie, Sam, Mike, Tina and I are going to her house tonight to talk to her." Noah added.

"That's a start I guess, but it doesn't matter what your personal feelings are for someone, you can't go around vandalising property." _'Friday night was the night Emma had to leave our date early; the two can't be connected can they?'_ "When Rachel comes into school tomorrow I want all of you to apologise to her and ask her to come back."

"What? No way are we having her back. You said that if she left she wasn't to come back, she left." Quinn rose to her feet in anger, unlike Mercedes she didn't back down when Mr Schue glared at her.

"We don't have a choice; Figgins told me that we have to make it all the way to Nationals if we want to have another year, and given the vandalism he wants nothing less than a win."

"We can do that without Rachel." Mercedes said confidently.

"I doubt it," Mike spoke. "I had a look on the Show Choir Competition website, Rachel was right all along; the judges are looking for originality this year, original songs were first on the list." He was pleased when the rest of the team and Mr Schue paled slightly.

"She tried to tell us, tell you Mr Schue, but we wouldn't listen." Sam said. "If she doesn't come back we can kiss Regionals and Nationals goodbye, her songs are really good, that one she performed last week was awesome."

"Oh please, anyone can write an Original Song." Kurt scoffed. "The Warblers were doing it when we left."

"Yeah but it sucked." Blaine admitted.

"I recorded Rachel's performance, here." Tina handed Blaine her phone. "What?" She turned to everyone else.

"Why did you record Manhands' performance?" Quinn sneered.

"I just did. I know she's been feeling lousy about her dads being away a lot lately so I recorded it for them and to show her the smile on her face while she's performing." Tina answered.

"What? And give her even more reason to think that she's better than us?" Santana barked.

"Ok enough. Right now." Mr Schue finally restored order as Blaine handed Tina her phone back to her. "Blaine, what did you think?"

"I think you guys are screwed without Rachel." He answered honestly.

"But why?" Kurt almost wailed. "We're just as talented as Rachel Berry and we know how to work as a team, something she never seemed to understand."

"What I don't understand is how you portrayed yourself as a victim of bullying when it's exactly what you're doing to Rachel." Blaine turned to his friend.

"It's not bullying." Quinn defended their actions and words. "It's merely... showing her where her place is, and it's not like she's doing anything to stop us."

"Stop." Noah rose to his feet. "Bullying is bullying, I should know as the school's biggest former bully."

"Puck's right guys, which brings me to your punishments for vandalising Rachel's house." Mr Schue wrote on the board. _'Charity.'_ "Those who were involved in the vandalism are going to do something charitable for someone else in our community every day until Regionals." He raised his voice as everyone, bar Noah, Tina, Mike, Sam and Artie shouted in protest. "Anyone who doesn't bring Ms Pillsbury, Coach Beiste, Coach Sylvester or myself absolute proof of your efforts will be punished further and in this hat I have your assigned places."

Tina stood and chose first. "'_Volunteering at the hospital.'_ Hey Puck, do you think I'll be working with your mom?"

"Probably." Noah also stood and chose. "_'Reading for the Kindergarten Class in McKinley Elementary.'_ Cool, hope they like comic books."

"I have books you can read them and the school library has loads too." Artie took his out of the hat. "_'Tutoring at the disability centre.'_"

"So you'll be right at home." Santana sneered as she picked from the hat. "_'Volunteering at the Lima Springs Retirement Home'_? You've got to be kidding me."

"That's called Karma right there." Mike stood and chose his. "You shouldn't have made that snide comment about Artie. _'Teaching vocal and dance lessons at the community centre.'_ But I can't sing."

"Sure you can. Besides, all you'd have to do with them are scales." Kurt said as he un-crossed and re-crossed his legs.

The list went on; Finn had chosen cleaning graffiti off the highways, Sam had been given assisting food delivery services for the elderly, Mercedes had been lucky enough to pick park maintenance while Quinn had chosen working in the homeless shelters and Brittany had chosen the last piece of paper in the hat which was donation collections.

"This is so unfair." Quinn was still complaining when they left the choir room an hour later. "How does Mr Schue expect us to write amazing original songs and slave away? We won't have the time. Does he not want us to win?"

Noah and Sam rolled their eyes, how they thought that they could've been in love with the wonderful Quinn Fabray at one point or many in their lives was beyond them now, getting her own way during and since the pregnancy had only revealed her true nature and colours; a vicious, selfish and spoiled child.

"Don't worry about it now babe, I'll talk to Mr Schue and to Rachel, this whole thing will be forgotten by next week." Finn promised.

"You're not talking to Berry alone Finn," Quinn glared at her boyfriend, "who knows what kind of tranny magic she'll use on you to get you back."

"She's not going to use any 'tranny magic' because she is neither a transvestite nor is she magical." Mike snapped. "And if we're still going to her house we'd better go now." He added to Artie, Noah, Sam and Tina.

They left before Quinn could respond, having never been spoken to like that by someone other than Rachel Quinn was left speechless until it was too late to say anything, and even then she continued to rant to anyone who would listen.

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"Are you sure she's home?" Tina asked again after Mike knocked on the now clean door, though the smell of vomit and eggs were still prominent.

"Her car's in the driveway and her window's open." Mike pointed.

"But if she was in she would have answered by now."

"Would you if someone you thought were your friends vandalised your house and humiliated you?" Noah asked. "Step aside I got this."

"You're not going to break in are you?" Sam asked warily. "Cause you'll go back to Juvie."

"I have a key; her dads gave it to me for while they were away Freshman year, hopefully they haven't changed the locks."

"Well why didn't you mention that you had a key before?" Artie asked irritably.

"Well as Chang here said; her car's in the driveway and her window's open, so she should be home." Noah slipped the key in the lock and opened the door with ease. "Smells funky in here." He commented as he opened the windows, he'd close them when they left. "Berry?"

"Rachel? Are you home?" Tina called.

Half expecting Rachel to come down the stairs in her dressing gown and scold them for breaking into her house uninvited the group waited for a moment before Noah picked Artie up out of his chair and they climbed the stairs.

"I can't hear a thing." Sam said suddenly.

"Well yeah Sam, none of us are making noises." Mike rolled his eyes.

"No I mean I can't hear any music coming from her room, surely if she was sick she'd still be playing music."

"He's right." Artie agreed. "When she got laryngitis last year she still listened to music though she couldn't really sing it."

"This is her room." Noah nodded towards the door at the end of the hallway.

"I was expecting a gold star." Tina admitted.

"There was one the last time I was here." Noah revealed. "Chang, get the door will you?"

Mike approached the door and went to grab the handle but froze. "There's blood on the handle." He whispered, though everyone heard him as though he'd shouted. He took hold of the handle, minding the blood and turned it. "The doors locked too." He pounded on the door. "Rachel? Open up, come on Rach we're only here to talk." He sighed and turned to Noah. "You're going to have to break it down."

"Take Artie." Noah handed Artie to Sam and stood facing the door. "Sorry Rach but I'm going to have to break down the door if you don't open up right now." He warned. "I'll give you to the count of three. One." Still no reply. "Two." He prepared himself. "Three." He stepped back slightly and rammed his shoulder into the door, it shot open easily and though they were prepared to find Rachel lying on her bed they weren't prepared for the smell.

"Oh my God." Tina gagged. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"Bathroom's that way." Noah choked as he took Artie back and sat the boy on the bed. "Sorry man, I need to cover my nose."

"It's cool." Artie covered his own nose and noticed the lack of Broadway memorabilia on the walls. "Rachel's still into Broadway right?"

"As far as I know. She's definitely redecorated." Noah looked round the room. "Hmm, she's still painting too, that's a good sign."

"What do you mean?" Mike came over and looked at the canvases. "Wow, these are amazing, so life-like."

"Her great-aunt bought Rachel her first paint set when she was four, taught her everything there was to know about drawing and painting, I thought she'd given it all up when her dads introduced her to Broadway when they took her to New York for her sixth birthday."

"This is from the Hummel-Hudson wedding." Sam recognised. "She must have done it from either a photograph or memory." He turned to Tina and frowned. "Are you ok?"

"Still queasy, where was the bathroom Puck?" She paled.

"Rach has one just through that door." Noah pointed to the closed door. "Something's not right guys, she's not in the house and she's not in the room, there's blood on her bedroom door and-" He was interrupted by Tina's horrific cries.

The boys, except Artie, ran to the now partially open bathroom door and burst into the small room, Tina was sobbing into her hands and facing the bath tub, which was filled with cold water and blood, a bloody razor on the side and two pill bottles laying on the floor along with Rachel's broken phone.

"We need to call the police." Sam spoke after a moment. His own tears threatening to fall.

"That won't be necessary kids." They turned to see Rachel's fathers standing in her room along with Coach Beiste and Ms Pillsbury.

"Mr Berry, Mr Berry, we didn't break in, we swear-" Mike began.

"I know young man, Noah and his mother have always had a key." Hiram spoke gently as he eyed the bath tub. "Why don't we all go downstairs? I find myself increasingly uncomfortable being in the room." He turned to Coach Beiste. "Thank you for leaving my daughter's room and bathroom exactly as it was Shannon. I know how you wanted to clean up considering you and Sue found our daughter."

"Is she dead? Where is she?" Tina choked as Mike took her into his arms.

"She's not dead Tina, and we will explain everything to you, but not here in this room, downstairs everyone please." Leroy spoke gently.

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Downstairs, after Hiram and Leroy had made everyone tea to calm them down, they sat the teenagers down.

"First of all, please call us by our first names, Hiram and Leroy." Hiram requested. "Calling us both Mr Berry is very confusing." The teenagers nodded. "Second of all, Rachel is not dead, but she is in hospital for a suicide attempt."

"Why?" Artie asked quietly.

"Why do you think Artie," Noah said bitterly, "cause we were asses to her and never helped with her bullying."

"After what Quinn said Friday night when we-" Sam broke off and looked ashamedly at Hiram and Leroy.

"It's alright Sam, we know everything: Sue, Shannon and Emma have been wonderful to our daughter." Leroy told them. "What did Quinn say?"

"Something about how no one wants her; no one at school, no one in town, Shelby even adopted my daughter rather than spend time with Rachel, and she said that you guys don't want her because you're away so much." Noah told them.

"She's picked on at school, a lot." Artie confessed. "I'm ashamed to say this but we don't always defend her the way we should."

"We already know about the bullying our daughter receives in school and in Glee club, Emma says that Rachel's been keeping journals of her struggles, what people don't know about our daughter is that she has an excellent memory and remembers every word that's said to her." Hiram spoke. "What she's written in her journals is all true word for word."

"Why didn't you say anything Coach?" Mike asked Shannon.

"Until Emma, Sue and I had Hiram and Leroy's permission we'd agreed to keep quiet about Rachel, imagine if her tormentors found out through school gossip, when Rachel returns to school, _if_ she returns to school and they all knew about her attempt to take her life they could be inclined to use that against her and she could try again and this time succeed." Shannon explained.

"Not even Will knows, only Principle Figgins." Emma added.

"I let her down," Noah sighed. "I promised her when we started high school that nothing would come before her, then I got onto the football team, got popular, got Quinn pregnant and now I'm trying to be a better friend to Finn when I should have been a better friend to Rachel, the one who needed me most."

"You didn't let her down Noah, Mr Schuester let her down by allowing the others in the club to continue to belittle her and even join in." Hiram assured.

"Can we see her?" Tina asked quietly. "Please, I feel awful for not helping Rachel even though she's always help me be the best singer that I could be and I just really want to see Rachel." The girl looked so broken that The Berry men could hardly refuse.

"We're about to go to the hospital now, we only came home to drop off our suitcases." Leroy looked to the luggage near the dining room. "We were quite surprised to see that the door was open." He stood up.

"One moment Leroy." Hiram held his husband's hand and turned to face the teenagers in front of him. "I know that you all feel guilty for bullying and not helping Rachel, but you don't have to worry about us being harsh to you in the slightest, our anger is not with you but with Mr Schuester, Quinn Fabray, Santana Lopez, Finn Hudson, Kurt Hummel and Mercedes Jones, it's their names that are most frequent in Rachel's journals and from what Shannon and Emma have told us since meeting us at the airport you're the ones who came forward about the vandalism."

Shannon watched tearfully as Tina openly sobbed at the Berry's generosity and smiled, her phone began to ring. "It's Sue." She answered it. "Yes Sue... I'm with them right now... Yes Puckerman and his friends are here too... What's that?... Really?... Oh thank God, we'll be there as soon as we can, thank you Sue." She ended the call and looked to the group in front of her, tears flowing freely down her cheeks as she smiled with what could only be described as complete and utter joy. "Rachel woke up a few minutes ago, the nurses weren't alerted to it because she made no sound, Sue said that when they went to check on her stats she was awake and trying to sit up."

Tina sobbed into her boyfriend's arms, who was trying not to cry himself, as was Sam, Artie and Noah.

"Come on kids, let's go see our daughter. If she's willing to talk to you then you can stay but you have to be prepared that she might not want to." Leroy warned them, his own tears falling.

Artie was lifted back into his chair, the house was locked up tight and the large group made their way to the hospital; Tina, Mike and Artie in Shannon's car along with Emma while Noah and Sam went with the Berry men.


	7. Chapter 6

_**I give you chapter 6 oh faithful and loved readers.**_

**Chapter 6**

Rachel looked round the fairly large private hospital room, according to Doctor White and Mrs Puckerman she'd been in a coma for almost a week, she had bandages on her wrists told her that she'd failed to take her own life, something she knew Quinn would never let her live down. _'I can see it now. "You can't even die properly. Can't you do anything right?" Or "Next time cut deeper and save us all the trouble of having to see your pathetic face." Oh yes, I can see it clearly now.'_

Coach Sylvester had stayed with her for most of the tests that Dr White had performed to see whether her memory was still intact, she hadn't said anything to Rachel about the suicide, only held her hand and smiled as Rachel answered all questions asked of her before apologising for her Cheerios and assuring her that punishments have been given. She'd left the girl to wait for her fathers and that's when the guilt and shame washed over her; she'd tried to take her own life, thus hurting her fathers, Coach Sylvester, Coach Beiste and Ms Pillsbury, the three women who'd been trying to help her and the men that would always love and support her.

'_I wish I had cut deeper or taken more pills.'_ She looked down at her wrists again before shoving them under the blanket almost instantly regretting her thought at the notion of her fathers having to bury her.

Outside the room Dr White was explaining to the newly arrived group about Rachel's possible mental state; whether she'd be feeling suicidal again for a short period of time or whether she'd recover fully.

"I think for now you should wait for her to address the situation, also maybe have her see a therapist." Dr White concluded.

"Rachel won't see anyone, she's closed herself off since her mother decided that she didn't want a relationship with her and adopted another baby." Ms Pillsbury explained. "It took some convincing for her to come and see me."

"And we're thankful that she did." Hiram smiled gratefully before turning back to the doctor. "Thank you Dr White." The doctor nodded before turning and walking away. Hiram turned to Tina, Mike, Noah, Sam and Artie. "If you kids don't mind, my husband and I would like a few moments alone with Rachel before we ask her if she wants to see you."

Tina opened her mouth to protest but Mike put a hand on her shoulder. "Of course, we don't want to rush Rachel into seeing us; what we've done is horrible and we can't expect her to welcome us into her life with open arms."

"Thank you." Leroy smiled. "We'd also appreciate it if no one outside of this group knew just yet; at least until Rachel decides that she's comfortable. We'll tell Principle Figgins that she's awake but I would like Mr Schuester kept out of the knowledge until we've thought about what to do with him and your Glee club."

"What are you going to do to the Glee club?" Artie asked worriedly; these men had almost lost their daughter to bullying within a club that she loved and was supposed to feel safe and included, they were also very powerful and influential, they could completely cancel the program if Rachel asked them to.

"The Glee club's fate was already doomed to start with, but I can tell you this; Figgins' promise to stop the club is very real if you don't place at Regionals and then at least get into the top ten at Nationals." Coach Sylvester told them. "And you have to do it without Rachel."

"If there's one thing we want more than anything; it's our daughter's safety," Leroy began, "if she doesn't want to return to the club because she feels unsafe in that environment then she won't be going back. Hiram and I can force her not to go back so it's entirely up to her."

"She's joined the Artists club and the Gymnastics team, if you succeed at Regionals and Nationals and get another year and _if_ she wants to come back to the New Directions next year then that's her choice." Coach Beiste informed them. "You're not allowed to pressure her into coming back when she's not ready."

"There is nothing that goes on in that choir room that I don't know about." Coach Sylvester warned.

Noah was only half listening; he was trying to see through the small window into Rachel's room but the bed was out of view, he frowned and thought back to what he'd said to her when she 'broke up' with him the previous year. _'"We were never friends before." How could I say that to her? She's been my friend since we were babies, longer than I'd known Finn and yet I denied all those years before high school for popularity and Cheerios.'_

"Puck, where's your head at?" Sam asked quietly.

"You don't want to know." He mumbled back.

"Why don't you kids come back in a few minutes? Hiram and I just want to talk to our daughter alone and then you can see her." Leroy told them as he placed his hand on the door.

The teenagers went to protest but a look from Coach Beiste and Coach Sylvester silenced them and they went away with the teachers to the waiting room. Hiram and Leroy stepped inside their daughter's room.

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Rachel could hear her fathers, Sue, Shannon, Emma and some of the Glee club outside her door, she wasn't sure if she wanted to see anyone at the moment but the door opened anyway and she was somewhat relieved to see her fathers step inside, then she remembered why they were here in the first place and looked down in shame, her eyes burning with tears and her face flushed.

"We know what you're thinking right now honey." Her daddy sat to the left while her dad sat to the right of her. "We won't ask you anything until you want to talk." Hiram held her hand; she flinched at the gentle contact.

"Daddy? Dad? Can you forgive me?" She eventually spoke, Hiram and Leroy had to strain to hear her.

"Sweetheart, there's nothing to forgive." Leroy wiped his own tears before wiping hers. "You were hurting and alone, the people you thought were your friends had just horribly humiliated you and it was the final straw."

"But I- I hurt you both." She cried. "I w-was self-selfish and I- I-" She broke down.

"You weren't being selfish honey," Hiram moved closer and held her. "When your teacher called us and told us months ago that you were being bullied we were furious that we couldn't see it in the first place, when Shannon called and told us that you'd tried to take your own life we were heartbroken that we weren't there to help you but glad that Shannon and Sue found you just in time."

"We promise to be better fathers to you Rachel, no more long business trips and if we have to be away from you, one of us will be here so you will never be alone or made to feel alone." Leroy promised.

"But you both work so hard, I don't want either of you to give up your careers because you have to babysit me." Rachel frowned slightly; it was sounding as though they didn't trust her to be alone anymore.

"We will always trust you to be responsible honey, but we need to know that you are safe and loved." Leroy added when he caught her frown. "If we both have to be away then I'm sure Mrs Puckerman, Emma, Sue or Shannon will be thrilled to help you."

"Our trust in _you_ isn't in question here Rachel, but the people around you in school." Hiram added. "We love our jobs but we love you more."

Rachel nodded. "I'm so sorry." She cried again and buried her face in Hiram's chest.

"We know you are honey. We know." They sat in silence for a few more minutes before Hiram spoke again. "Noah, Sam, Mike, Tina and Artie are here to see you, as well as Shannon, Emma and Sue, would you like us to send them in or send them away."

'_I don't know if I can handle seeing the Glee club right now.'_ "Is it just Noah, Sam, Mike, Tina and Artie?" she asked worriedly.

"Yes honey, the rest of that club won't know unless you want them to, the same goes for Mr Schuester." Leroy rubbed her back.

"Can I see Shannon, Sue and Emma first? I will see the others but I just want my moms."

Hiram and Leroy smiled at the description she'd given the three women who'd helped her so much in the last few months and nodded, they stood and went to the door.

"We love you Rachel, so much; nothing you could ever do will change that or disappoint us." Hiram smiled back at her.

"I love you too."

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Outside Noah was getting impatient; the Berry men had been more than a few minutes and he was desperate to see Rachel, to make anything and everything up to her. When the older men came out of the room he stood immediately and looked hopefully at the door.

"She will see you kids but she wants to see Emma, Sue and Shannon first." Hiram told them looking directly at him. Noah sank back down in the chair he'd abandoned and threw his head into his hands, he felt someone sit beside him; it was Shannon.

"She does want to see you pumpkin, just be patient a little longer." She assured.

"I just have so much to make up for." He whispered brokenly.

"Not as much as you'd think." She whispered back before standing and joining the other women at the door, they stepped through and closed it behind them.

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Still crying from her fathers' words of love and support Rachel barely heard the door open again before closing, she did however, feel the bed sink and three hands touch her.

"You must all think I'm pathetic too." She whispered.

"Never. Don't even think for a minute that you're pathetic." Sue told her fiercely. "Those others in that club are pathetic, you're not."

"You only did what any normal teenager thought he or she should do in your situation." Emma told her gently. "We're just sorry that we couldn't have done more to help you, maybe if we had you wouldn't have chosen that way out."

"You three did everything." Rachel protested. "I let you all down."

"You didn't let us down pumpkin." Shannon assured. "You broke, it happens to everyone, there is only so much that a person can take and we each deal with our pain differently, you saw no alternative because you'd tried everything else already, it's human nature."

"But-"

"No buts Streisand." Sue said sharply. "If anyone let you down in this world it's William Schuester; he could have stopped the bullying well before it escalated like he did with Hummel but instead he ignored it and even joined in."

Rachel nodded. "I only wanted to be part of a world where I was accepted for everything about me."

"We all want that, look at the three of us; you've got Emma who has issues with OCD, Shannon eats more chicken than is humanly possible and I'm a hard hearted bitch." Sue told her.

"You're not completely hard hearted." Rachel smiled. "I don't know why I got so upset when Shelby walked out on me to play happy families with Noah's daughter, I have three moms."

The three women smiled and moved in for a hug when there was a knock at the door and Hiram poked his head inside.

"Sorry to interrupt ladies but Noah's getting pretty anxious to see you honey, as well as Tina."

"Ok daddy." Rachel held onto Shannon's sleeve nervously. Hiram went back out.

"It'll be ok Rachel, they feel awful for what they've done and haven't done." Emma assured her.

"We'll be right outside so if you don't want to talk to them anymore you just yell." Sue pointed to the door.

Rachel nodded and let go of the women so they could leave, she straightened out the bed sheets and frowned as she caught a glimpse of herself in the shiny reflection of the window. _'God I look awful.'_

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"If she wants you to leave then you leave, understand?" Sue glared at the teenagers the moment she, Shannon and Emma stepped out of the room.

"Yes ma'am." Mike looked to the door.

"Alright then, go in and not a single question or word about why. Got that?" Shannon looked at them hard.

The teenagers nodded and opened the door quietly. They could see Rachel looking in the window, Tina held back a choked sob but failed to keep it back for long when she caught a glimpse of Rachel's wrists. Rachel, startled by the noise, turned and saw them standing in the doorway.

"Do you mind closing the door please? It's a little cold." She asked.

Mike immediately closed the door and wheeled Artie in closer to the bed, no one said anything for a moment, and the only sounds came from Tina's quiet sobs, until finally Sam cleared his throat.

"We're really sor-" He was cut off by Tina who openly and noisily sobbed as she threw her arms around Rachel.

"We're so sorry Rachel, we're so sorry for everything." She wailed as she held onto Rachel as though she would disappear in the next moment. "We should have stopped the others or reported Mr Schue but instead we sat back and now you're here because we were lousy friends."

Caught by surprise Rachel froze for a moment before hesitantly wrapping an arm round the younger girl's waist, her own tears falling. _'She's genuinely sorry.'_ She sniffed and wiped her eyes with her free hand before she gently pried Tina from her. "Why didn't you guys stop the others Friday night?"

"We didn't know what they were going to do until Finn knocked on the door and you opened it." Sam explained. "Puck sent Beiste an email Monday morning with everyone's names and Figgins had us all in to talk to him about it."

She didn't know whether to believe them or not, she wanted to, but she just couldn't bring herself to open up to them again and be hurt. "Noah, if Finn found out that you turned him in your friendship will be over with him, he's your best friend."

"No, _you_ were my best friend, remember?" He asked. "Kindergarten right through to middle school, before Finn came into the picture. Your life was always more important than Finn's friendship, or lack of, he's done nothing to prove that he's my friend, only asked that I prove myself to him."

She bit her lip. "I didn't want your friendship to be ruined again."

"Princess, I ruined my friendship with Hudson when I got his girl pregnant last year and the kiss between you and me was also my fault. You haven't ruined anything for anyone."

"Except Glee club."

No one said anything for a moment. "You don't really believe what Quinn said do you?" Artie asked eventually. "Because it's not true you know, we may all say that it's Finn who brought the club together but in fact it was actually you; you're the reason we even made it to Regionals last year and if you had been on lead at Sectionals this year we wouldn't have tied, we would have won."

"He's right; I know you threw the duets competition to make me feel more welcome in your own way." Sam added.

"You haven't ruined anyone's lives Rachel." Mike sat on the edge of the bed and took her hand. "You may have sent Sunshine to an in-active crack house but you probably knew that she'd accept any invitation she got to Vocal Adrenaline from the start, you just saved us from the trouble of having her leave us close to a competition."

"No one else seemed to understand that, even you didn't at the time."

"Well we do now." Tina added tearfully. "You sent her to the Asian district where you knew that Mike and I would find her. You didn't want her to be hurt; you just wanted her out of the way. What you did was for love for us."

Rachel nodded. _'That's what I was trying to tell everyone from the beginning but they only saw it as me being selfish.'_ "I know that the pressure is on for you guys to win Regionals and Nationals now, I'd like to help you guys with the songs. I owe you that much seeing as if you don't win and the Glee club will be disbanded it will be because of me."

"No, it will be because of us and our treatment of you since before it began." Artie told her. "And we'll accept all the help we can get; Mr Schue's finally seen that the judges are looking for originality and the song you wrote was killer."

"I still want to help, I have songs that I've been working on all year, I think Shannon has them, there's a nice duet I wrote, I didn't really have an idea of who would sing it but I'd like you and Mike to sing it Tina, for Regionals."

"Really? You'd give us your songs?" Tina had a fresh wave of tears running down her cheeks.

"I don't want you to be unprepared like we were last year, I know you have all of your community service projects going on as well, and unlike myself not all of you can handle the pressure of making a difference in the community and write songs suitable for competitions, so I want everyone to be-" She stopped herself when she saw the grins on her former team mates faces. "What? Was it something I said?" She thought back to her words and covered her mouth in shock and a little shame. "I'm so sorry, I hadn't realised I sounded like-"

"Like your old self?" Noah grinned. "Like some badass performer who knows what any kind of judge is looking for and knows exactly how to get the right attention in competitions."

"Don't apologise for being who you are Rach, we should have accepted you from the start instead of pushing you to try and change yourself because we were jealous." Mike smiled.

Before Rachel could answer there was a knock at the door, it opened and Hiram poked his head through the small gap between the door and the frame. "I'm sorry kids but visiting hours are almost over and Dr White wants to give Rachel one final check over before bed." He said gently. "You can come and see her tomorrow after school."

Knowing that they had no choice but to leave and noticing that Rachel was getting tired, though she tried to hide it through her smiles and realising that she smiled on a daily basis to hide her pain, the group got up to leave, Sam pushed Artie out last as he was closest to the bed, Tina hesitated a little before throwing her arms around Rachel and then leaving, throwing her new friend a little smile and a wave as Rachel settled herself down for the night.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Quinn was stalking through the halls of McKinley looking for her ex-boyfriend and her daughter's father, they'd been avoiding her for long enough, the smiles and winks should have been enough for them to start fighting for her but she received nothing for her troubles and now she was starting to get angry. Finn was great, she loved him, but he didn't give her the attention she deserved whereas when she had her brief relationships with Noah and Sam they treated her like a queen, something she wanted to feel every day, so here she was; lowering herself into looking for boys, how had her life sunk this low? _'At least Rachel-Manhands-RuPaul-Berry hasn't shown her face since we put her in her place. Maybe she's finally done everyone a favour and left town.'_ She thought happily. _'Now maybe she'll finally stop sending my boyfriend moon eyes and being so pathetic.'_

"Hey Quinn." Kurt and Blaine passed by, the more effeminate of the two greeted her with a beaming smile.

She gave them a smile back, though not as beaming as Kurt's. _'How have I gone from the top of the hill to the bottom of the heap?' _She rolled her eyes and finally found the two she was looking for.

"Puck, Sam, I haven't seen you in days, have you both been avoiding me?" She simpered as she gently ran a hand down each of the boys' arms.

"Something along those lines." Sam mumbled, still hurt and angry about her cheating on him with Finn and he was too wrapped up in her to realise that everyone knew but him. "Look Puck, I gotta go, I want to talk to Ms Pillsbury and Coach about something." He gave Noah a meaningful look before leaving without so much as a second glance to his ex-girlfriend.

'_Odd, normally he's all smiles when I come around.' _Quinn frowned but didn't let a little setback with Sam deter her from Noah. "Look Puck, you and I have a bond no one will understand, not even Manhands and Finn, why don't we get together sometime? I could help you with your school work because as you know I'm a straight A student and everyone says you were your best when we were together." She bat her eyelashes, knowing that the last time she performed that action Noah was round her house with a crate of wine coolers.

Noah rolled his eyes. "Not interested Fabray, go find Finn, see if you can fix his 'mail man' problem." He closed his locker and left her, ignoring her look of shock; not once had Quinn Fabray ever been rejected, she's the rejecter not the rejectee, this had never happened before. If Noah and Sam were ignoring her and rejecting her, then who else had she lost her power over?

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"Ok guys, let's get to work." Mr Schue entered the choir room later that day. "Tina? Any news on Rachel yet? Figgins said that she was out again."

"She's not well Mr Schuester but she's recovering." Tina had made a promise to Rachel, Hiram and Leroy that she wouldn't say anything more than that, and now that Rachel had forgiven her for not doing anything about the bullying she wasn't going to let her friend down by blabbing to the Glee club about what Rachel had done because of them.

"Ok." Mr Schue wasn't quite sure but he felt that Tina was holding information back but he'd let it go for now.

"For someone who brags about having the healthiest immune system and never being ill she's sure been out a lot." Mercedes commented. "Come on Tina, you've gotta have more information than that. Give us a little something, something." She encouraged.

"No, she's not well and that's all we're telling you." Mike glared. "If you cared about Rachel at all you'd go and see her yourself, but then none of you care about Rachel so why should you? In fact, why does anyone else in this room want to know what's wrong with Rachel when no one cares about her? Some family this is." He stood up and stormed out.

Shocked by his Rachel-like outburst Mr Schue didn't follow him, instead he looked to Tina for an explanation, she merely shrugged and followed her boyfriend, Artie, Sam and Noah close behind them, Noah muttering "some teacher you turned out to be" under his breath though it was heard clearly as if he's announced it over the school's PA system.

"Uh, ok. Why don't we brainstorm some song ideas? Mercedes, why don't you go first?"

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"Mike you need to calm down." Tina ran after her boyfriend, finally cornering him in an empty classroom. "We promised Rachel's dads we wouldn't say anything until they said we could and to be honest I don't think there's anyone in that room who deserves to know anyway."

Mike didn't turn to face his girlfriend; he didn't want her to see him like this. "They're still bad-mouthing her Tina, she tried to kill herself because of those jackasses in that choir room and none of them care, they just think she's out sick for attention." He finally turned round revealing his own tears.

"They're malicious teenagers." Tina wasn't surprised by the tears; having spent the night in Mike's arms crying she was waiting for his own tears to make an appearance. "We're Rachel's friends now, we should have been from the start but we are now, we have to respect that she doesn't want anyone else to know."

Noah, Sam and Artie entered the room, Mike hastily wiped his face and sighed. "You guys didn't have to follow you know."

"We know, but we're your friends so we wanted to make sure you're ok." Sam shrugged.

"Dude, you sound like a chick." Noah laughed. "We ran into Coach Beiste on the way, she gave us Rach's music folder with her songs inside. They're all pretty kick-ass, apart from 'Only Child' and 'My Headband', must've been songs she wrote first before getting the hang of it."

"Hey Puck, your phone's flashing." Artie pointed to Noah's pocket.

"It's been doing that all week, I can't figure out why though, it's a new phone and I haven't figured out all the features." Noah pulled out his phone, handing the folder to Mike.

"It's the same as mine; it means you have a voicemail." Tina explained. "Dial 555-666 and your voicemail menu should come up."

Noah did as he was told and listened; he turned pale before listening further and putting the phone on speaker. "Listen to this." He panicked.

"_Hey it's Rachel, I know you're not talking to me and you'll probably delete this message before you hear it but I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry for causing you and Finn so much trouble and that despite what you told me last year when I broke up with you I've always considered you a friend, and I lied back then; I never wanted to end things with you but I couldn't be second to Quinn when it came to your feelings. That may be hypocritical of me but I _promise_ you, that my feelings for Finn were nothing compared to the feelings I've had for you since you kissed me at my Bar Mitzva. I love you Noah."_

"Oh my God. It's from the night she-" Mike felt a fresh wave of tears fall down his cheeks, this time he was not alone; Tina was holding onto the folder tightly and sobbing, Artie had his own tears and Sam had his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking with his sobs.

"She sounds like she's tired." Artie choked.

"Coach Sylvester said she took a load of pain and sleeping pills before she-" Sam couldn't finish; listening to the voicemail made everything more real. "Oh God, what has this club done to her?"

"I let her down." Noah gripped his phone. "I saw my phone flashing and was going to look in the instruction manual but I got caught up in a stupid video game while she was in that tub bleeding." He wanted to throw the phone against the wall. _'How can she forgive me and love me after I've hurt her so badly?'_

"Puck, don't go beating yourself up about it. None of us saw that she was breaking and how could we? She'd perfected her 'showface' and we bought her 'I'm fines' and 'I'm ok's'" Artie soothed.

"What are you kids doing in here?" Coach Sylvester surprised them as she passed. "Shouldn't you all be in Glee club?"

"I got sick and tired of them treating Rachel like she's garbage and stormed out, these guys followed me." Mike explained. "We just heard Puck's voicemail form Rachel the night she tried to kill herself."

"Let me listen."

Noah played the message again, each word stabbing him in the heart and he listened to Rachel's last words before she passed out.

"Has anyone else heard this?" Coach Sylvester eventually asked having spent a good few minutes in silence and shock.

"Tina's only just told me how to get my voicemails up; it's a new phone and I didn't know how." Noah confessed.

"Keep it saved. Rachel's dads might want to hear it; they've heard the voicemail she sent Shannon, and we can let the rest of the Glee club hear them when Hiram and Leroy decide they want Schuester to know about what he helped the other kids push Rachel to." Coach Sylvester told them. "Also, Shannon and Emma will want to hear it too. Now get back to Glee club, it won't be for much longer, I promise." She left them.

"She's right; Glee club won't be around for much longer, especially without Rachel so we might as well enjoy it while we can." Sam said after a few moments. "Let's go have fun with our _friends,_ maybe Puck and I can have a little fun with Quinn; she seems to think that she can wink, wave and smile and we'll fall for her all over again."

"Hudson doesn't even realise, never has that Quinn's always portrayed herself as the perfect Christian daughter of the perfect Christian family, cheating is beneath her and when it happens it's never her fault." Noah told them. "This morning after you left to find Beiste and Pillsbury she came onto me, asked me to go over hers later to help me study."

"Study my ass." Tina scoffed. "I've never liked that she can cheat on Finn and be forgiven and then cheat on Sam with Finn but Rachel kisses Puckerman and it's the end of Finn's world and he can't bring himself to forgive her." She rolled her eyes. "It's not right what she did to you guys and to Rachel." She looked to the two boys affected by Quinn's actions.

"I'm all for messing with the Glee club's minds until we lose Regionals, let's start by wedging Blaine and Kurt apart," Artie suggested. "they'd make a cute couple but Blaine needs to know who Kurt was before they met, right now Kurt's spinning the whole I-was-bullied-so-I'm-a-victim thing and is making Rachel's bullying out to be nothing more than everyday life."

"Come on, before another teacher finds us, I don't know about you guys but I don't want a detention." Noah lead the group out of the classroom. "I personally can't wait for Regionals, I want to rub it into Schuester's face that we needed Rachel more than we'd ever need him."

"True that." Artie agreed as they all followed the Line Backer through the hallway and round the corner, completely unaware that Jacob Ben Israel had overheard them and recorded everything, including the voicemail.

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It was a another week before Rachel's doctor deemed her strong enough to go home, every day after Glee club and their community service assignments Tina, Mike, Artie, Sam and Noah would visit her and stay late into the night, when she was released from the hospital they held a small party the night before she left as they'd be in school when Hiram and Leroy took her home.

While she was in hospital Emma, Sue, Shannon, Mrs Puckerman and the teenagers completely redecorated her room and bathroom, it was unrecognisable; the artwork was framed and hung up, new photographs of Rachel and her friends taken during her hospital stay were placed in matching frames and placed on her dressing table and shelves, any leftover photos were stuck to the border of her mirrors, the walls were a deep lavender colour with white flowers bordering the ceiling and floor, white and glass shelves attached to the walls where her knick-knacks and smaller trophies were carefully placed and the carpet had been replaced with hardwood flooring with a white rug in the centre of the room. The bathroom was the hardest room for them to redecorate but they were determined to do it for Rachel, gone were the pink walls and cream bathtub and sink, gone were the cream tiles on the floor, all replaced with a lighter lavender colour for the walls, a walk-in-shower, a white bathtub, white sink and white tiles on the floor, Rachel's old mirror had been thrown out and replaced with a new one along with a full length in the corner, written on the full length in window-pen was _"If this world makes you crazy and you've taken all you can bear you call me up because you know I'll be there." _

When Rachel saw these words she cried, the first tears she'd cried with happiness in a long time, the moment she saw Tina, Mike, Artie, Noah and Sam she hugged them all so ferociously they thought she'd break.

"Thank you, thank you so much." She sobbed as she hugged Tina again. "I love it."

"We didn't know what to do with your Broadway stuff so we left them in the boxes in the basement." Sam confessed.

"With these scars I'll never be able to make it on Broadway so there's no point in me keeping them." She looked down to her wrists sadly, the bandages were long gone but she always kept them covered with long sleeves. "I don't know what I want to do with my life now; it was always Broadway, I thought that I could get past all the criticism and taunts about how I'll never make it and that I was never good enough for anything and then ten years down the line when I was a success I'd look back on everyone and tell them that I'd told them so. Kind of stupid huh?"

"At least you knew what you wanted in life." Mike soothed. "The rest of the kids in school barely know what they want for lunch let alone what they want for a career."

"You can always have Broadway as your de-stresser, just don't give up on it completely." Tina urged.

"We'll help you find a new career." Artie promised. "Maybe along the way we'll find our own."

"We'll do it as a family, forget the Glee club calling itself a family, we're the real definition of the word." Noah put an arm around Rachel, their new relationship didn't need a big scene of him asking her out; he'd always loved her since they'd met, it had always been Rachel and Noah, forget the whole 'babygate' drama back in Sophomore year, their relationship last year may have only lasted a week but it was real, more real than his confused feelings for Quinn. "Now how about we work on those songs and kick the Glee club's ass tomorrow?"

"If it's ok with you Rachel, we'd like you to sit in on rehearsal tomorrow; we have one more present for you." Artie smiled.

"Well two really." Tina nudged her friend.

"We'll look after you, the others won't even get to say a word to you all day and Mr Schue won't be able to say anything either." Sam promised. They'd all told her together that Mr Schue wanted to ask Rachel to come back to the club once he'd found out that the judges were in fact looking for originality.

"I'd love to. I want to go back to school with my head held high."

"Ok, well let's get to work on our songs." Mike clapped his hands. "Hmm, too much like Mr Schue."

Laughter filled the room, downstairs Hiram, Leroy, Shannon, Sue and Emma were all smiling as they heard the laughter filter down through the open bedroom door and down the stairs, instantly recognising Rachel's.

"It's wonderful to hear her laugh again." Emma admitted.

"It has certainly been a while and has certainly been missed." Sue agreed.

"I understand that you offered Rachel a spot on the gymnastics team in the school," Hiram looked to Shannon. "I appreciate the offer Shannon but I'm concerned about practices and shows, her wrists-"

"Will not be on show Hiram, I have made sure that the uniforms are full length in the sleeve." Shannon assured. "Figgins has also promised that we can have our own letterman jackets, though they'll be a little bit more stylish than the current football and basketball jackets."

"What are you both going to do about the Cheerios and football players involved in the vandalism?" Leroy asked the two coaches.

"Those involved have been removed of the teams, I'm having tryouts for the Cheerios next week, and I'm hoping that the tryouts will be a good way of telling my current Cheerios that they're off the team. If they want to try out again then they can, I'm not allowed to stop them, but there will be drastic rule changes." Sue revealed. "However, Quinn Fabray and Santana Lopez will not be allowed to try out again, as for Brittany Pierce I believe that though she participated she was clueless as to what they were doing and as to why."

"Matthew and Helen Pierce's daughter was always a strange girl but Rachel loved her web show." Hiram told them. "I can recall Matthew saying that at the time of Brittany's birth Helen had a blood clot and caused some complications, though I can't remember the details."

"Poor girl is a genius in her own way." Shannon nodded. "I don't actually think she took part, I believe she was just there, when I called the police and they collected fingerprints and compared them to the school's database of students Brittany's weren't on the bucket, the egg cartons or the paint cans." She thought back. "As for the football team, and Sam, Mike, Artie and Puck know this, they all have to re-tryout for the team again, though with the way Hudson plays lately I can guarantee that he won't be on the team, more the reserves, Artie has more play than Hudson and the kid's only been playing a few months."

"The moment the New Directions loses Regionals the Glee club will be disbanded and Figgins will have Will suspended for negligence." Emma revealed. "He could see every day of Rachel's high school life that she was bullied, from the first day of her Freshman year, he's had two and a half years to stop it but instead he's spent a year and a half joining in, he's had this coming."

"We know how hard it is for you to see Mr Schuester like this Emma." Hiram sympathised. "We know you love him."

"I love who he used to be, I don't love him this way." She admitted. "He told me that he became a teacher to make a difference in the kids' lives, to mould them into adults that could be proud of themselves, so far all he's done is help cause Rachel to try and end her life."

There was silence as music flowed down from Rachel's bedroom but Rachel's voice didn't follow.

"Do you think Rachel will ever sing again?" Leroy looked to his husband.

"I hope she will, she has a beautiful voice and loves singing, all we can do now is wait." Hiram looked up to the ceiling.

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Finn was furious, a little confused and furious, he had lost his spot as quarterback on the team and had to re-tryout because of a little prank he'd taken part in, this had Rachel whining to Coach Beiste all over again, and he wasn't the only one who had to re-tryout; the rest of the football team and the basketball team were cut, not to mention the Cheerios were disbanded and Coach Sylvester was having tryouts for new squad members, among those who tried to get back on the team were Santana and Quinn who had both been rejected from the gymnasium before they could even begin with a clear statement from Coach Sylvester that they would never wear a Cheerios uniform again.

"This is all Manhands' fault." Quinn fumed as the Glee club sat in the choir room.

"I think it's about time the Cheerios had their eyes opened; you all parade round the school acting as though you're in charge and make everyone's lives a living Hell." Tina stood bravely. "Coach Sylvester has new rules for the new Cheerios, it's about time everyone in this room was equal."

Santana and Quinn glared at the Asian girl but Tina wasn't backing down.

"You know it is nice to walk into school and not be slushied for once." Mercedes admitted quietly.

"Would Wheezy like to be able to sing ever again?" Santana asked menacingly.

"What the Hell is _she_ doing here?" Quinn pointed to the door.

Everyone followed her line of vision and saw Rachel standing nervously in the doorway, long sleeves pulled down so that they covered half of her hands, her hair tied back in a ponytail, jeans and one of Noah's hooded jackets covering her small frame.

"Rachel, welcome. Please come in." Mr Schue smiled as though she hadn't been gone for three weeks. "We were just going over song ideas, would you like to add anything?"

"I'm not here for Glee club Mr Schuester, I'm not part of the team anymore rememner? I'm only here because Artie, Sam, Tina, Mike and Noah have asked me to sit in." She said quietly.

Mr Schue frowned; she hadn't called him Schuester in a long time, he welcomed her in none the less and for the next hour she sat and watched as Mercedes, Quinn and Santana talked about the songs they'd written but were unable to get the music to fit the lyrics. Sighing with desperation Mr Schue turned to Rachel.

"Rachel, we know that the last song you performed for us was your own creation, perhaps you have written another while you've been out sick and can perform it to us so that Blaine can see your talent."

'_This guy's a piece of work.'_ Noah held Rachel's hand.

"Actually, I have written many songs but I won't be performing them, instead I have asked Tina and Mike to perform one so that you can all have a taste of their talents."

Tina and Mike stood to the shock of everyone else and took centre stage as Rachel handed out sheet music to the band.

(**Mike/**_Tina/__**Both**__**)**_

**They say that life is a two-way street  
When you're not sure, you gotta trust your feet  
To know the right way**

_You can keep on moving with your head down  
Or you can stop and take a look around _(**take a look around**)_  
And that's the choice I've made, yeah _(**I've made, yeah**)

_**It's for that movie inside your head  
Making memories we can't forget  
And when you can't forget**_

_**You're gonna know in your soul  
This is what we came here for  
**_**So live it loud,**_here and now__**  
This moment, it won't be ignored  
**__So why not open up that door?__**  
It's what we came here for**_

**Oh yeah**

_For every song  
That we let play outside  
And melodies we get to ride _(**we get to ride**)_  
Every time we sing_

_Oh yeah, yeah, yeah_

**The friends we've made, the fun we've had  
Remembering is gonna make me laugh  
It's a beautiful thing  
**_So beautiful_

_**I wanna send it around the world **__(around the world)_  
**'Cause everybody should feel this good**  
_**'Cause when you feel this good**_

_**You're gonna know in your soul  
This is what we came here for**_ _(what we came here for)_  
_**So live it loud, here and now**_  
_**This moment, it won't be ignored**_  
_**So why not open up that door?  
It's what we came here for**_

**We're just getting started**  
_To celebrating where we are_

_**You're gonna know in your soul  
This is what we came here for  
So live it loud, **_**here and now**_**  
**__This moment, it won't be ignored_

_**You're gonna know in your soul  
This is what we came here for  
So live it loud, **_**here and now**_**  
This moment, it won't be ignored**_ _(it won't be ignored)_

**So why not open up that door**  
_Open up that door  
So come on open up that door_

**It's what we came here for**  
_Came here__** for**_

_**That's what we came here...came here for**_

As with Rachel's performance there was silence, but unlike Rachel's performance the silence was eventually met with cheering. Rachel had the biggest smile on her face as she saw Tina bask in the spotlight she'd yearned for and even recorded it so that Tina would always remember that she shined. Noah, Sam and Artie went to the front to give Mike a 'guy-hug' before they gave Tina a big hug of her own, Rachel got up to hug her friend but was shunned out of the way as Kurt and Mercedes rushed forward, luckily Artie and Noah caught her before she fell to the floor.

"Outstanding." Mr Schue clapped. "Simply outstanding, you should both be so proud of yourselves."

"Well, Rach wrote it, she just gave it to us and put it in our keys." Mike blushed not used to being praised for anything but his grades and his dancing.

From the corner of Sam's eye he could see Santana and Quinn whispering to each other. _'That's not good.'_ He frowned.

"Oh please Tina, don't let that attention hog take all of the credit." Kurt gushed missing Blaine's frown of disappointment. "It's obvious you wrote that song with Glee club in mind."

"No Kurt, Rachel wrote it, she wrote it months ago." Tina's smile faded.

"Speaking of Rachel." Quinn finally spoke. "Where have you been for three weeks?" She smirked.

"I wasn't well and then my fathers came home and took me out of town for a trip, they cleared it with Principal Figgins and all of my subject teachers, anyone who needed to know, knew." She looked to Mr Schue.

"If you don't mind Mr Schue, Puck, Sam, Mike and I have something we want to perform for Rachel." Artie rolled forward to the centre of the room, glaring at Mercedes and Kurt as he passed.

"And I want to revisit a favourite of mine for her." Tina added.

"For RuPaul?" Santana scoffed. "Why would my man be singing for her?"

"Yeah Puck, you're supposed to be my best friend, not serenading my ex-girlfriend." Finn glared.

"Artie, Mike and Sam are serenading their friend, I'm serenading my _girlfriend_." Noah glared back, daring Finn to argue.

When it looked like Finn was about to open his mouth to fight back Mr Schue stepped in, not wanting anymore fighting so close to Regionals. "Let's hear it boys, you first."

(**Mike/**_**Artie/**__Sam_/_**All)**_

_You feel like a candle in a hurricane  
Just like a picture with a broken frame  
Alone and helpless  
Like you've lost your fight  
But you'll be alright_

_**Cause when push comes to shove  
You taste what you're made of  
You might bend, till you break  
Cause it's all you can take  
On your knees you look up  
Decide you've had enough  
You get mad you get strong  
Wipe your hands shake it off  
Then you Stand, Then you stand**_

**Life's like a novel  
With the end ripped out  
The edge of a canyon  
With only one way down  
Take what you're given before its gone  
Start holding on, keep holding on**

_**Cause when push comes to shove  
You taste what you're made of  
You might bend, till you break  
Cause its all you can take  
On your knees you look up  
Decide you've had enough  
You get mad you get strong  
Wipe your hands shake it off  
Then you Stand, Then you stand**_

_**Everytime you get up  
And get back in the race  
One more small piece of you  
Starts to fall into place  
Ooohhh**_

_**Cause when push comes to shove  
You taste what you're made of  
You might bend, till you break  
Cause its all you can take  
On your knees you look up  
Decide you've had enough  
You get mad you get strong  
Wipe your hands shake it off  
Then you Stand, Then you stand**_

There was more clapping, though Quinn, Finn and Santana had sour looks on their faces. As his friends passed him, Noah 'fist-bumped' them all before taking a seat on one of the stools with his guitar.

"I'm going to need help on this one, Sam?" He smiled as Sam pulled up his own stool, they'd both planned this; it was ultimately for Rachel but they also wanted to drive Quinn crazy.

(_Noah/_**Sam/**_**Both**_**)**

_I set out on a narrow way many years ago  
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road  
But I got lost a time or two  
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through  
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you  
_

_**Every long lost dream led me to where you are  
**__Others who broke my heart they were __like __**northern stars  
**__Pointing me on my way __**into your loving arms  
**__This much I know is true__**  
**__That God blessed__** the broken road  
**__That led me straight to you_

_Yes it did_

_I think about the years I spent __**just passing through**__  
I'd like to have the time I've lost and give it back to you  
But you just smile and take my hand  
You've been there you understand  
It's all part of a __**grander plan that is coming true**_

_**Every long lost dream led me to where you are  
**__Others who broke my heart they were like__** northern stars  
**__Pointing me on my way into __**your loving arms  
**__This much I know is true__**  
**__That God__** blessed the broken road  
**__That led me straight to you__**  
**_  
_**Now I'm just rolling home  
Into my lover's arms  
This much I know is true (**_**I know is true)**_**  
That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you**_

_That God blessed the broken road  
That led me straight to you_

Rachel's tears were the same as the ones from the night before; ones of happiness. She got up and almost collapsed into Noah's open arms before moving into Sam's and then into Artie's, Mike's and finally Tina's. She wiped her eyes; luckily Noah's hooded jacket was so long on her arms that no one saw her wrists.

"Thank you." She whispered and went back to Noah, giving him a sweet kiss.

"Tina," Mr Schue's voice cracked with emotion, "you said you wanted to revisit an old favourite?"

"If this is another song for Berry then I am out of here." Mercedes stood up. "She's been gone three weeks, we haven't thought about her at all and suddenly she comes back and you're all singing her praises and love songs? I don't think so, something's up and we as a group, as a family, have the right to know what."

"No you don't, you have no right to anything that goes on in Rachel's life, any of you." Noah had had enough. "You don't give a crap about Rachel, none of you do, I can't talk for you Anderson cause you don't really know her but what I can say about you is that if you wanted to know Rachel, the real Rachel, you wouldn't have listened to these jackasses and you would've come to one of us, her real friends." He gestured to himself, Artie, Sam, Tina and Mike. "And you," he turned to Mr Schue, "you're a lousy teacher, she's been out three weeks and you go on about how you care about all of your students but you had us find out where she was."

"Noah." Rachel said warningly knowing that her boyfriend was getting angry enough to reveal where she had been. "Let's not take the spotlight from Tina."

"Rachel's right, we'll talk about where you've been after Rachel but for now let's give Tina our undivided attention." Mr Schue sat back down, curiously looking at how protective half of his club were of the small brunette. _'I get why Puck is protective, but why Artie, Mike, Sam and Tina? As far as I know they've never been friends.'_ He thought as Tina took a seat on one of the stools.

"So this will be acapella because I feel that it would mean more." Tina blushed. "Always look in your mirror Rach." She winked.

The rest of the club and Mr Schue were confused; why would Tina tell Rachel to always look in her mirror.

_You with the sad eyes  
Don't be discouraged  
Oh I realize  
It's hard to take courage  
In a world full of people  
You can lose sight of it all  
And the darkness inside you  
Can make you feel so small_

_But I see your true colours_  
_Shining through_  
_I see your true colours_  
_And that's why I love you_  
_So don't be afraid to let them show_  
_Your true colours_  
_True colours are beautiful_  
_Like a rainbow_

_Show me a smile then_  
_Don't be unhappy, can't remember_  
_When I last saw you laughing_  
_If this world makes you crazy_  
_And you've taken all you can bear_  
_You call me up_  
_Because you know I'll be there_

_And I'll see your true colours_  
_Shining through_  
_I see your true colours_  
_I see your true colours_  
_So don't be afraid to let them show_  
_Your true colours_  
_True colours are beautiful_  
_Like a rainbow_

_Can't remember when I last saw you laughing_  
_If this world makes you crazy_  
_And you've taken all you can bear_  
_You call me up_  
_Because you know I'll be there_

_And I'll see your true colours_  
_Shining through_  
_I see your true colours_  
_I see your true colours_  
_And that's why I love you_  
_So don't be afraid to let them show_  
_Your true colours_

_True colours_

_See your true colours_

_Shining through_

_YEAH!_

_I can see your true colours_  
_And that's why I love you_  
_So don't be afraid_  
_To let them show_  
_Your true colours_  
_True colours_  
_True colours_  
_Are Beautiful like the Rainbow_

Once again Rachel's eyes swam with tears as she got up and hugged Tina. She turned to face the club, not ready for the onslaught of questions she would be receiving from the club when she was saved by the voice of one of her favourite Coaches.

"Sorry Will but I've come to get Rachel, Figgins has sent for her." She discreetly winked at the small group in the know.

"But we were about to-" Mr Schue sighed in defeat, he knew he couldn't keep Rachel if his boss wanted to talk to her. "Ok. Come back when you're done Rachel."

"She's not in your club anymore Will, she doesn't have to be here, she was only here in the first place because her friends and boyfriend asked her to come, they've done what they wanted to do so she's free to go and you're free to carry on with your rehearsal." No one had ever seen Coach Beiste talk to Mr Schuester like that. "How long until Regionals?"

"Two weeks."

"And you haven't got a set list, better get cracking." Shannon gently guided Rachel out the room. "I'll take care of her Puckerman, see you at tryouts." She called back.

Mr Schue sighed heavily. "Ok guys, let's get to work."

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

"I know your secret Rachel my sweet." Jacob Ben Israel finally cornered her alone, two weeks after she returned to school. Having had her boyfriend and friends constantly guard her he hadn't been able to get near her, but now they were in Glee club and Rachel was on her way to gymnastics. "I know what you tried to do."

"I don't know what you're talking about Ben Israel." She felt cold, if the school's biggest snoop found out that she'd tried to kill herself she'd never hear the end of it; it would be published throughout the entire school and everyone would know.

"I know that you tried to kill yourself over a month ago." He whispered. "I think I can guess why."

She looked at him. "You're not going to tell anyone?"

"I haven't decided. Depends what's in it for me." He grinned wickedly.

"You can't publish it, you just can't." Rachel began to panic. "Please Jacob, as a human being you can't publish it."

"What's in it for me then?"

"Your life for a start." A cold voice came up behind him. "Hand over everything Ben Israel, computers, laptops, cameras, voice recorders, photos and anything else you have that you've used to spy on people."

He turned round and saw a furious Coach Sylvester and Coach Beiste, each had a bag ready for his electrical devices, Rachel had never been so happy to see someone in her life, she watched as Jacob handed everything over in pure fear of the two coaches.

"She said everything Jacob." Coach Beiste glared. "We also have police officers waiting for you with a court order for everything you own that can be used four audio and visual recording."

"But you can't do that, I have a right to express myself through the media, I'm the school's journalist." He protested weakly.

"You have no right to spy and blackmail people and don't think we don't know about the cameras and voice recorders hidden throughout the school." Coach Sylvester growled. "Now move it, to the principal's office with you." She escorted him roughly through the halls and out of sight.

"You ok pumpkin?" Coach Beiste asked.

"Yeah, thanks Shannon, and thank Sue for me." Rachel breathed a sigh of relief knowing that Jacob Ben Israel's snooping days were finally over. "I can't even begin to think about what everyone would have done if they found out."

"Don't worry Rachel, no one will know unless you want to tell them." Shannon smiled. "Come on, we both have gymnastics to get to."

Rachel smiled and followed her teacher and friend through the halls and into the locker rooms to change, when she emerged into the gym donned in her practice leotard and track pants she came face to face with Quinn and Santana who were both with those who were trying out, mainly ex-Cheerios who didn't make it back on the team.

"What are you doing here Manhands?" Quinn sneered.

"Don't tell me Hobbit's trying out too." Santana laughed encouraging the other girls to follow her, much to Quinn's displeasure.

"Enough." Coach Beiste roared seeing Rachel getting upset. "Lopez and Fabray, get out, I will not tolerate bullying in this gym. Mr Schuester may tolerate it in the choir room and auditorium but it's not welcome here and nor are those who get pleasure from hurting others, so get out the pair of you and don't come back." She pointed to the door. "I said leave and take anyone else who's going to cause grief to the girls and guys on this team."

Embarrassed and furious Quinn and Santana had no choice but to leave, they'd skipped Glee rehearsal for this, without Cheerios they needed something to keep them flexible and desirable to the rest of the school, Glee club was still at the bottom of social standing at McKinley and they needed something to assert their dominance over the school, behind them a few of the girls who'd also been kicked off the Cheerios followed them.

Inside the gym Shannon was briefing the rest of those who remained on the rules and what she expected of them, all the while looking at Rachel to make sure she was ok after Quinn and Santana's taunting, she saw the girl holding her wrists and was worried; if the bullying in school didn't stop soon, Shannon was concerned that Rachel would try and take her own life again and succeed, she needed to talk to Mr Schuester and open his eyes to what his students were really like, she also needed Rachel to come clean so that everyone could see what bullying does and could lead to.


	9. Chapter 8

_**Sorry about the long wait, it's taken ages for me to type this one as I'm not copying from a notebook and typing straight from my head, I haven't started typing Chapter 9 yet but the moment I've finished that one I'll post it :) Just a filler chapter really with some pucklberry fluff at the end. Enjoy**_

**Chapter 8**

She sat in the auditorium looking down to her bare arms, the doctors and her psychologist said it would be good for her to look at her scars, contemplate on why she tried to take her life, think about the people she would hurt if she was gone, she didn't see anything when she looked at them, only failure. She failed in taking her own life, truth is; she wanted to die, she didn't want Shannon and Sue to come running to her rescue, she didn't want Tina, Mike, Sam, Artie or Noah's apologies for not doing anything to stop the others from bullying her, she hated looking at her fathers every day and knowing that they weren't going into work or on business trips because of her regardless of how much they said they trusted her, she'd come to think that no one would miss her if she was gone, not anyone in school, her dads could just adopt another baby and her mom wouldn't care. _'They'd all be better off if I was gone. Tina, Artie, Sam and Mike are only my friends because I tried to kill myself, Noah's only with me because Shelby has his daughter and I'm the closest image to her. The Glee club would probably throw a party at my funeral rather than mourn.'_ She continued to stare at the scars, her thoughts getting darker and darker.

"Rachel?" She jumped when she heard her name and hurriedly covered her arms, it was too late though. "My God." Blaine came running over and crouched beside her, he took her arms into his hands and pulled the sleeves up revealing the scars. "This is why you were out of school for three weeks, you weren't sick at all, you tried to kill yourself." His eyes watered with tears.

"You can't tell anyone." She whispered, her own tears running down her cheeks. "No one else can know."

"Why not? Come on Rachel, they're your friends, Kurt's your friend, he went through the same thing."

"Don't make me laugh Blaine, Kurt may have been bullied by Karofsky last year for being gay but that was just Karofsky taking his own anger and self-hatred out on the closest person who was the same as him and he blamed Kurt for that. I was bullied, I still am bullied, because I know what I wanted in life and would do anything to achieve my dreams, I knew that I was always going to get out of this backwards town and at our ten year reunion I'd show up and they'd all be begging to talk to me because I was successful while they were all stuck here because they weren't prepared enough and didn't know what they wanted in life." She glared. "Kurt has no idea of what I'm feeling or thinking, if he did he would've come to me by now and talk to me, apologise even but he hasn't, I know that you're waiting for him to but you're wasting your time, he hasn't changed one little bit and he never will."

"Come on Rachel, I know you and Kurt have had your differences in the past, he told me all about them, but-"

"Did he really? Did he tell you that he gave me a makeover that made me look like a sad clown hooker? Do you know why he did that? Because we both wanted Finn's attentions and he was jealous that Finn wasn't interested in him so he went a maliciously plastered me with hooker make up to make himself feel better." She snapped. "But don't take my word for it, I have half a dozen journals filled with abuse for almost everyone in this school, read them and decide for yourself."

"If you have been bullied so much, then why not go to Mr Schue about it? He helped Kurt-"

"He joins in Blaine; his name is featured more than a few times in the journals. He helped Kurt yes, but for some reason I'm different; I don't deserve his help because I'm selfish, the only reason he was even remotely nice to me when I came back to school two weeks ago is because he's realised that I was right all along about Regionals and he wants my songs, but he's out of luck, I refuse to be part of that club anymore and he's not having any of my songs." She pulled her arms away and covered her scars.

"But if Glee club doesn't win Regionals, Figgins will cut the club completely."

"That's not my problem, Mr Schuester kicked me out of the club because I had to call Coach Beiste one night after Finn left me in below freezing temperatures and kept him back at the next football practice, Finn went all caveman on me and rather than reprimand Finn for his behaviour Mr Schue blamed me, said that I couldn't go around making everyone's lives difficult. Ask anyone in that room Blaine, they'll tell you that they're glad not to have me there." She got up and left.

Blaine sat on the auditorium stage stunned, Kurt had always told him that Mr Schue was the best teacher at McKinley, no bullying went unpunished while the Spanish teacher was around, to hear a different account from someone else, someone who couldn't take anymore and tried to kill herself because of actions and words said by others around her and even her teacher, was concerning. Had he really left Dalton Academy, the school where bullying wasn't tolerated and he was safe, for a boy he'd just met and didn't really know? _'I need to talk to someone, maybe Tina and Artie, they know both Rachel and Kurt, they both know the story.'_ It suddenly dawned on him that there were people who knew about Rachel's suicide attempt. _'Kurt and Mercedes both said that there was no way Sam, Artie, Puck, Mike and Tina would sing songs like that to Rachel before now; they know that she tried to kill herself, but if they were in on the bullying before or were spectators and didn't do anything to stop the others or report Mr Schue then why did Rachel forgive them? Unless she hasn't completely.'_

He ran a hand through his gelled hair and stood up, he left the auditorium, ignoring Kurt and Mercedes who had been looking for him, and went straight to the football locker rooms where Sam, Artie, Puck and Mike were changing for practice.

"I need to talk to you guys." He said urgently.

"What about Anderson?" Noah asked.

"About Rachel, I just saw her in the auditorium; I know what she tried to do."

"Hey, hey, hey." Sam stepped forward. "Keep your voice down. It's bad enough that Ben Israel tried to blackmail sexual favours out of her to keep it quiet we don't need you going round telling your boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend and I wouldn't tell anyone. I promise." Blaine held his hands up in surrender when he saw Noah's jaw twitch. "She was staring at her scars when I saw her, I tried to talk to her, to get her to open up to the others and that Kurt could help but she completely shot me down. Exactly what have I been missing at this school? Kurt was only specific in his bullying."

"Of course he would be." Noah growled. "Douchebag can't see anything past his own reflection."

"Rachel said something about journals." Blaine looked to them all questioningly.

"That's something we haven't heard of, maybe she had them to cope." Mike said.

"It's gotta be something Ms Pillsbury suggested; write down everything said and done and write down who was involved, that way Figgins couldn't ignore it." Artie reasoned.

"Does she seem ok to you guys?" Blaine asked.

"She's fine." Noah snapped.

"Easy Puck it's just a question." Mike soothed before turning to Blaine. "She tried to kill herself because of this school, because of the people in that choir room; somewhere she was supposed to feel appreciated and respected but it never happened, even Mr Schue joined in." He was beginning to get angry again. "No one can understand what she's thinking or feeling right now, the only thing we can do as her friends and boyfriend," he gestured to Noah. "is be there for her and support her. When she's ready to talk to us fully then we'll be there to listen, yes we know that there's something she's hiding from us, she was probably hiding it from herself but she hasn't really been alone since she was released from the hospital so she hasn't had a chance to contemplate a lot. She went from having no friends and everyone against her, defacing her house, pouring eggs, flour and milk over her on her front doorstep, before trying to commit suicide, to waking up from her coma and having five friends and she probably thinks we're only her friends because we feel guilty."

"Why do you ask?" Sam wanted to give Mike a chance to calm down.

"There was something in her eyes. I don't know, I'm just worried." Blaine shook his head. "What's the deal with Kurt then? He and Rachel are so similar; I thought they'd be best friends or something."

"Jackass is jealous of her, plain and simple." Noah grunted. "Always has been, when Finn showed attraction to Rachel he dolled her up way too much to turn Finn away from her, she was going to leave this town and become a big star on Broadway and he was jealous because he knew that no matter how hard he could possibly try he'd never be able to do the same so he plays on her insecurities just like everyone else does."

"He never told me about that." Blaine leant against the wall. "He always said how welcoming and friendly everyone in the club was and how they all got along."

"We're sorry you had to find out about him this way Blaine but you needed to know the truth." Artie sympathised. "I don't know about you guys but I want to look in these journals, do you think Rachel still has them or do you think she gave them to Ms Pillsbury."

"Ms Pillsbury will have them, when we redecorated Rach's bedroom and bathroom we didn't find any journals." Mike was calmer now. "Tina will want to read them too."

"Me too." Blaine spoke. "And I want to have a chat with Kurt about all of this; I moved from a safe school into a school where bullying seems to be the normal daily occurrence and even the teachers join in, I'm not sure if I want to stick around anymore."

"That'll be your call, it's not like we're going to have Glee club after Regionals anyway." Sam sighed. "Kinda sucks you know, I really liked Glee club."

"So the threat Kurt and Mercedes was telling me is true? You don't make it to Nationals and win the club is cut?"

"Yeah, it was supposed to be cut last year because we didn't place at Regionals but Coach Sylvester convinced Figgins to give us another year, after Rachel's house was defaced we found out that it was Coach Sylvester and Rachel keeping the club funded, now that Rachel doesn't want to be part of the club anymore the funding will stop after Regionals." Artie explained. "Let's face it, we have days before the competition and we don't have a set list, we only won Sectionals last year because Rachel sang the solo with little to no preparation."

"That's not completely true Abrams." Noah interrupted. "Rachel has been singing her whole life; there is no way she would have gone to any competition unprepared, she said that she'd been working on that Streisand song since she was four and it showed."

"And after Mr Schuester's behaviour towards Rachel I'm not so sure that his job is safe either." Artie finished.

"Hey guys what are you talking about?" Finn opened the door and smiled.

"Glee club." Mike answered half honestly.

"Yeah? I'm all excited about Regionals, you just wait; we'll all be singing in New York in three months time and we'll win Nationals." Finn leant against the wall next to Blaine.

"How? We don't have a set list yet." Artie reminded him.

"Don't worry we'll get it. Once Rachel's gotten over her little tiff she'll be running back and bailing us out with one of her songs, Mr Schue will make sure of it."

"And how is he going to do that?" Noah grit his teeth.

"By reminding her that she wants to go to New York just as much as everyone else in the choir room, if not more." Finn said as though it was obvious. "I mean, it's not like any of us had the time to write our own songs at such short notice as well as complete our community services for egging her house and doing our school work. She knows that we need her and she thrives off of the attention." He turned to Blaine. "This is the kind of thing she does, she quits for a little while and then right at the last moment she comes back."

Blaine frowned; it was similar to what Kurt and Mercedes were saying about Rachel but having seen Rachel and talked to the people who know her best he couldn't see it as a cry for attention. _'She really wanted to die.'_ He realised. _'If she gets pushed over the edge again, then she'll try to take her life again and this time she might just succeed, I don't think these guys even know it or see it yet.'_

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Mr Schue watched Emma carefully through the glass of her office; she was talking to Rachel, again, and had insisted on locking the doors so no one could barge in. _'Rachel's been seeing Emma a lot lately, especially since she came back to school.'_ He frowned as Rachel pulled up her sleeves. _'She's also been wearing long sleeves too; it's starting to get too warm for long sleeves and sweaters.' _Emma continued talking and then stopped, Mr Schue could see Rachel's head move slightly as she spoke and then she looked down to her wrists, though he couldn't see what she was looking at, then her shoulders began to shake; she was crying. He watched as Emma stood and hurried round, Mr Schue watched in surprise as his girlfriend sat beside the sobbing girl and held her tightly. _'Emma can't stand close contact like that, she freaks out when I try to hold her after a shower.'_ The sound of the bell ringing signalling the end of class broke him from his thoughts and his staring; he dismissed his class and lost sight of Emma and Rachel in the throngs of students hurrying through the hallway.

He didn't have another class until after lunch so he decided to pay a visit to Emma, unfortunately for him; Rachel was still in his girlfriend's office and it didn't look like their session would be finished anytime soon. _'Doesn't she have a class?'_ He wondered irritably when ten minutes had passed. He continued to wait until finally Rachel stood, hugged Emma and left the office, he made his move.

"Hey Emma, what did Rachel want?" He asked as he entered her office. "Is she ok? I saw her crying."

"What my students and I discuss is private Will." Emma frowned. "You know that I can't tell you anything unless she says so."

"Come on Emma, I'm just concerned." He hoped that his smile would make her melt and give in, like she always did.

"The answer is still no Will, I won't divulge a student's secrets, regardless of how close you are to them. She's not in Glee club anymore and she doesn't take Spanish so you may be concerned about her but you don't have a right to know her secrets." Emma glared and pointed to the door. "I'd like you to leave now Will." When he didn't move she jabbed her finger towards the door again. "Get out." She cried and pushed him out, closing the door behind him and locking it.

He watched helplessly as his girlfriend collapsed in the chair Rachel had vacated and sobbed into her hands. He frowned. _'If Emma won't tell me I'll just get it out of Rachel.'_

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Quinn and Santana, filled with jealousy, watched as Brittany took her place on top of the pyramid. _'That should be my spot.'_ They both thought bitterly, having been kicked off the Cheerios and been refused a place on the gymnastics team they had nothing other than the Glee club; a team of losers with no purpose in life but to adore them, Quinn only joined because she was worried that Finn would be unfaithful with that Tranny-Trash and she'd taken Santana and Brittany with her for the audition because they were loyal to her and her alone.

'_Well, until Santana stole my spot as head Cheerio.'_ Of course she'd taken it back at the beginning of the year by ratting Santana's boob job surgery to Coach Sylvester and sweet talked her way back on top but it was her destiny to be head Cheerio, to date the Quarterback and to be the most popular and loved girl in this school. Now she and Santana had been cut from the team and had to watch from the sidelines as Brittany took their spot, all because of a little prank that didn't cause any harm to anyone. _'Well except Tranny-Trash throwing up but she's had it coming for a long time.'_

"Pathetic." Santana mumbled as she looked loathingly at Coach Sylvester. "There would be no mistakes if we were on the Cheerios again."

"We will be before this year is out; Coach Sylvester is greedy, a little donation from a concerned parent will surely get us back on top." Quinn smiled. _'Well I'll be on top and you'll be beneath me as you were born to be.'_

'_So she's going to go to daddy to fix her problems for her, that's not what I'm about, I want to be back on the Cheerios but I don't want the Fabray's throwing their money around and give them the satisfaction that without them I'd still be off the team.'_ Santana glared.

When Coach Sylvester caught sight of them she screamed for them to leave and even though she wasn't their Coach anymore, the girls still had a healthy respect and fear for the teacher.

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"Rach? You'd talk to me if you had a problem right?" Noah asked later that night, the two were alone in Rachel's room, her dads were out for a meal, Noah's mom was a t work and his sister was at a sleepover while Tina, Mike, Artie and Sam all had their own families, it was the first time they'd been completely alone since before Sectionals when they'd kissed so Rachel could get back at Finn. "If you felt as though you couldn't cope anymore and you wanted a way out, you'd talk to me about it?"

"Yes Noah." She looked up at him, they were simply laying fully clothed on her floor.

"Ok, cause I don't want you to feel like you need to bottle everything up again and not have anyone to talk to."

Rachel suddenly realised why he was asking these questions and why he sounded scared. "Blaine talked to you earlier didn't he?"

"He told us that he found you staring at your scars."

Rachel sat up. "After Jacob's threat and Quinn and Santana's taunts I thought back to the week I was in a coma and wanted to be there again; it was peaceful, I had my dads, Shelby, friends, it was easier for me to be there than to live everyday in fear that the next cruel word was going to push me over the edge." She explained. "I promise that it was the only time I thought about that place again since coming home, after all the trouble you and the others went through to report the vandalism and coming to see me and redecorating my room and bathroom and then those beautiful songs, I couldn't do that to you guys." She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I don't know why I was looking at my scars, in truth I think it was because I was alone and wanted to see them."

"Blaine also said something about journals."

"There are a few, I don't think I have them here, I think Emma gave them to my dads so they could read them, if you want you can read them too."

"I just hate the thought of my name being in them, the others feel the same." Noah clenched his fists.

"You're not in them so much anymore, I think the last entry about you was that you'd stopped talking to me after Sectionals."

"What about the vandalism thing?"

"You're simply written as a bystander." Rachel found that talking to Noah helped her to feel better about her scars and herself. "What else did you want to talk about Noah?"

"The voicemail you sent me, I only just heard it before you came back to school cause I had a new phone and didn't know how to work it, I promise you babe, if I'd known how to work my stupid phone then I would've come over and stopped you." He was almost pleading with her. "If I hadn't been playing a stupid game and answered my phone in the first place I'd drop everything to make sure that you didn't have to go through the pain you went through. Hell, if I was a decent enough friend in the first place and stood up for you every day you might not have even thought about trying to take your-" He couldn't finish the sentence, a life without Rachel in it seemed impossible to think about.

"Take my life." Rachel finished for him. "It's ok to say it Noah, it's taken a while for my dads to say it too."

"How can you forgive me? Forgive the others?" Noah's own tears now took over. "We did nothing in your defence, we just sat there and let the others tear you down and we used to join in, how can you forgive us so easily?" He sobbed.

"Because I love you." She held him. "I love each and every one of you. You were all there when I woke up and you've been there ever since, I wasn't sure about complete forgiveness at first because I was scared that you'd all leave me but you haven't so you've squashed my fears."

"I'd never leave you Rach, we'd never leave you and I can say that for the others with confidence, we're with you for the long run, so please, if you ever feel like you're alone, come to us and Blaine, he wants to help too." Noah promised. "I think we'd like to read the journals, just so that we can see what we helped do."

"I'll ask my dads for them. I promise that I'm ok Noah and if I'm not then I'll talk to you. I love you."

I love you too Rach." Noah pulled her in for a sweet kiss before they continued to lay together in perfect comfort and silence.


End file.
